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Issue 2905

'It's Raining Men!'

248 Hot Marine Studs Fall from Sky in Midair Collision, Thrilling Area Women

ANNAPOLIS, MD— The women of the Acme-Temps office pool in West Annapolis were surprised and thrilled yesterday when hundreds of handsome, well-muscled young men poured from the heavens as the result of a horrendous midair collision between two Army aircra...

Crazy Old-Timer Wants to Create 'Master Race'

DUBUQUE, IA—Chalk it up to eccentricity, old age or just plain senility, but area nursing home resident Adolf Hitler is planning to create a “master race” of Indo-European Caucasians and eradicate entire races of inferior people!At the ripe old age of 106...

Area Freak Hides In Cave

'Look Away, I Am An Abomination,' He Says

Long-missing Bauton resident Richard Milk, a former potter turned freak, returned late Thursday night to stock up on supplies.

Clinton Tagged by Local Gang

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In an incident under heavy investigation by Secret Service officials, President Clinton was “tagged” late yesterday afternoon, spray-painted across the chest by a member of the E.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage


  • How Theaters Are Trying To Win Back Moviegoers

    The number of Americans who went to the movies hit a 20-year low in 2014, leaving theaters scrambling to find ways to incentivize the public to see new releases on the big screen rather than watch films at home or on the internet. Here are some methods theaters are using to win back audiences and increase box office sales:

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