Crips Streamline Membership Application Process
Paperwork, Beatings To Be Reduced 50%
LOS ANGELES—In an effort to better serve potential new members, the L.A.-based Crips street gang unveiled a revamped gang application procedure yesterday ...
Issue 2906
Evolution to Occur Thursday
Beginning February 22, Human Arms Will Be Slightly Shorter
PALO ALTO, CA—In a surprising announcement, scientists at Stanford University revealed yesterday that beginning this Thursday, human arms will become four to six inches ...
Local Harlot Exposes Face, Neck
‘Nothing was left to the imagination,’ says Damascus-area shopkeeper
An area harlot exposed her face and neck to the naked eyes of several area men yesterday, stirring deep within them filthy and sinful desires.
Jesus Free After Killing Hooker
‘I am above the law,’ He says
ST. LOUIS, MO—Jesus the Christ, Son of Yahweh, is free on bond today after being arrested for the murder of Wanda Jimenez, 38, an ...
Deadly New Virus Found To Be 'Real Squiggly'
Scientists and doctors at Princeton’s Institute for Advanced Studies, working around the clock in pursuit of a cure for the mysterious new “SeloThoxxyn-P Five ...
