The American Cancer Society unveiled a promising new weapon in the war against cancer yesterday, a 1.2-megaton anti-cancer missile.
PLAINFIELD, NE—In an inspiring display of modern-day heroism, Plainfield fireman James Pagnozzi yesterday saved the life of area resident Janie Siles, 4, who became ...
HARTFORD, CT—Middle management officials at Coopers & Schmidt, a Hartford-based insurance claims adjustment firm, are busy gearing up this week for Operation Xerox-Fax, a covert ...
A Seasonal Message From The Onion
One of the longest winters on record has drawn to a close. As the snow melts away and warm breezes begin blowing through the new ...
FBI Ends 18-Year Search for Leggy Luddite Lolita
In a spectacular climax to the longest manhunt ever mounted by the FBI, federal agents captured the notorious, glamorous Umabomber yesterday.
NEW YORK—Miss America 1996, 24-year-old Angela Pierce, was called into question Sunday during a special U.N.
WASHINGTON (AP)—A unilateral caucus of the nation’s law enforcement officials yesterday unveiled America’s new food-crime equivalency ratings for 1996 .Passed unanimously, the ...
Lagos—The major cholera outbreak that has ravaged the Nigerian city of Lagos and surrounding rural villages has many Americans feeling very glad they do ...
SAN DIEGO, CA—The San Diego Zoo, home to the world’s largest collection of animals in captivity, added its first human specimen Monday, acquiring ...
ROME—Pope John Paul II was puzzled and confused yesterday after misplacing the only set of keys to Vatican City.
Aries: (Mar. 21–Apr. 19) You’ll meet a handsome stranger at a wild party and make mad passionate love.