WASHINGTON, DC—In a major step toward establishing a more "soothing and peaceful" U.S. economy by Fiscal Year 1998, Federal Reserve Board Chairman Alan ...

SOMERS, NY—Responding to the recent discovery of possible life on Mars, PepsiCo is launching an exploratory space probe to the Red Planet in search ...

CLOTTS, IN—The residents of Clotts have been getting quite an education in foreign cultures since the recent arrival of immigrant Nigel Edney, a real ...

SIMI VALLEY, CA—Slave manpower was doubled this week in an effort to assure that the pyramid erection remains on schedule.

MOSCOW—With severe political instability, economic woes and a war in Chechnya threatening to tear Russia apart, Kremlin officials announced today that a man with ...

MONTPELIER, VT—In an angry address before supporters, Gov. James Kingery Monday railed against what he called "cheap-ass, watered-down scotch" and "cigars so poorly rolled ...

AUSTIN, TX—Area puppy Patches netted owner James Kearney a handjob yesterday, using his undeniable puppy adorability to attract an attractive human female on behalf ...

WASHINGTON, DC—After occupying a pre-eminent position in American culture for more than half a century, sports was de-emphasized Sunday, returning to what one U ...

FLORENCE, ITALY—Millions flocked to a museum in Florence this week to witness an image of Christ's face suspended on an ordinary piece of ...

All across America, millions of perople are toiling long hours just to make it to the respite of Saturday abnd Sunday. Why are so many ...

The stars indicate that it’s time to lose the love handles. Sew yourself into a bag with a dozen starving ferrets.

NASA scientists recently discovered a Martian rock that may contain the remains of ancient life, raising the distinct possibility that we are not alone in ...