WASHINGTON, DC—Political observers expressed disappointment over Tuesday's low voter turnout, citing a rash of election-day attacks by cannibalistic, reanimated corpses of the recently ...

BALTIMORE—After a lifetime dedicated to finding a cure for cancer, absent-minded Johns Hopkins University professor Humbert E. Huggins reports that a 100 percent effective ...

From the mighty city-states dotting the Greek landscape to the burgeoning ports of Phoenicia, critics throughout the Mediterranean are singing the praises of the seventh ...

KATONAH, NY—IBM's Deep Blue, the chess supercomputer that recently contended with world chess champion Gary Kasparov, was beaten up Monday by a Macintosh ...

DETROIT—With its market share down 11 percent, General Motors unveiled a new instant-win airbag contest.

WASHINGTON, DC—A massive turnout of '70s-obsessed youths is being blamed for Jimmy Carter's surprise victory in Tuesday's presidential election. According to election ...

DALLAS—The Frito-Lay Corporation is making a strong play for the lucrative African-American market with "Doritos Dark and Smooths," a new menthol-flavored snack chip product ...

ELKHART, IN—According to reports, legendary Biblical figure Jesus Christ is believed in by area resident Milton Grelskum. Grelskum, a 37-year-old machine tool operator, admits ...

MILFORD, MD—In an attempt to earn more than $5.50 per hour, Alice Stellsen, a local dullard and mother of two, will attend Maryland ...

SCHAUMBURG, IL—According to several female shoppers at Woodfield Mall, a total hunk was sitting by a plant near the Wok 'n' Roll booth Friday ...

Despite massive sexual education efforts, more teenage girls are getting pregnant than ever before. Exactly how are all these teens getting pregnant?

Your encyclopedic knowledge of all the latest Kevorkian jokes inexplicably fails to bring you love this week.

As America stands on the brink of the second half of the Bill Clinton Era, what are your thoughts?