WASHINGTON, DC—Soda access, convenience, and affordability are at all-time highs in America.

CHAPEL HILL, NC—A blue-ribbon panel of leading psychotherapists concluded that suicide is the only option for pathetic loser Kyle Lazlo.

BECKLEY, WV—President Clinton crawled over 20 miles to a farmhouse, where he is being tended to by elderly matron Mrs. Boggs.

LOS ANGELES–With the historic final episode of CBS' Family Matters less than one week away, across the country, speculation is not running wild as ...

WASHINGTON, DC–The Senate Select Committee On Child Poverty released a report Monday attributing the large number of American children living below the poverty line ...

NEW YORK–Motor Trend magazine stripped the 1998 Chevrolet Corvette of its "Car Of The Year" title following the sportscar's appearance as Hot Rod ...

CHICAGO–In a blunder being attributed to "clerical oversight," the Chicago ad agency of Meacham & Braun accidentally kept the résumé of recent University of Illinois ...

WASHINGTON, DC–Esmerelda, the fluffy white Persian cat owned by evil genius Dr. Kronos, was subpoenaed Monday to testify regarding the alleged subterranean activities of ...

Summer is just around the corner. What are some of the movies we can look forward to?

Your pride in being a self-made man will be shattered when top scientists at Texas Instruments announce that they built you out of calculator parts.

President Clinton recently voiced strong opposition to a proposal to distribute free needles to heroin users to fight the spread of AIDS, claiming that such ...