SAN FRANCISCO—Spokespersons for the National Gay & Lesbian Recruitment Task Force announced Monday that more than 288,000 straights have been converted to homosexuality since ...

WASHINGTON, DC—The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, & Firearms and the Food & Drug Administration reached a formal trade agreement Monday. Under the terms of the deal ...

DURHAM, NC—Despite an elaborate regimen of prescription medications and thrice-weekly therapy sessions, local depression sufferer Gary Blanke remains a horribly insufferable person, area sources ...

LEXINGTON, KY—In a major paleontological breakthrough, scientists at the Sanders Institute have successfully reconstructed a 24-piece KFC party bucket believed to date from as ...

ST. LOUIS—Despite three thorough cleanings this month, the change machine at Naughty But Nice Adult Magazines & Video Gallery has once again become clogged and ...

PHOENIX—Roy Cordell, a 475-pound science-fiction enthusiast, strongly recommends you read J.R.R. Tolkien's The Hobbit, it was learned Monday. "You haven't ...

TUPELO, MS—Law-enforcement officials and tactical analysts alike are applauding the creativity of drunk driver Leon Frisch, who responded to pursuing police Saturday with a ...

PASSAIC, NJ—Gavin Werdlick, owner of a chain of Passaic-area sub shops, would prefer a different font, sources at Byrd Advertising learned Thursday. "Maybe one ...

Currently, five of the top ten albums in the U.S. are movie soundtracks, including those for Armageddon and City Of Angels—numbers one and ...

This week will find you getting back to basics when brain damage sustained in a horrendous circus accident forces you to learn to walk, talk ...

Last month, CNN retracted a story falsely accusing the U.S. military of using nerve gas on Vietnam defectors. Three weeks ago, The Cincinnati Enquirer ...