Jesse Jackson Honored For Providing Inner-City Youths With Increased Photo Opportunities

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Issue 3410

Changing Weather Inspires Area Conversationalist

AUGUSTA, ME–The transition from summer to fall inspired local conversationalist Phillip Cadieux Monday. "Boy, it sure is starting to cool off out there," the 41-year-old Cadieux told fellow elevator passenger Jennifer Broderick, who was held rapt by the master monologuist's musings on the seasonal change. "I tell you, before you know it, it'll be time to dust off the old parka and break out the snow shovel."

Harper's Index: Percentage Of Harper's Readers Who Only Read Index: 98

NEW YORK–According to the Harper's Index in the October issue of Harper's, the percentage of the magazine's readers who only read the long-running index feature is 98. "Percentage of Harper's readers who stopped reading the magazine years ago and now only look at this page, if anything at all, before tossing it on their bathroom floor to seem smart to guests: 98," the index read.

Area Waitress Has One Hell Of An Ass On Her, Local Man Will Tell You That Right Now

BEAUMONT, TX–Beaumont-area delivery driver Leon Riggs is not kidding when he tells you that local waitress Pamela Wohlper, 24, has one hell of an ass on her, it was reported Tuesday. "That is one tight, juicy little ass that waitress has got on her," Riggs said. "Yes sir, that is one sweet little can, you know I got that right." Riggs added that you would not believe the things he would do if he ever got that ass all to himself.

Mercy Hospital Turns Away Uninsured Patient

ASHEVILLE, NC–Mary Griebe, a 68-year-old uninsured woman suffering from severe chest pain, was turned away by St. Jude Mercy Hospital Tuesday. "Unfortunately, Mercy Hospital is unable to treat patients whose ability to pay is unclear," said hospital director Dr. Wesley Simmons. "The chest-pain sufferer who arrived at our emergency room was given directions to several other nearby hospitals that might be more willing to help her, including Good Samaritan General, Hope & Compassion County, and Basic Human Decency General."

Dept. Of Transportation To Replace Highway Mile Markers With Dead Raccoons

WASHINGTON, DC–The U.S. Department of Transportation announced Tuesday that all highway mile markers will be replaced with raccoon carcasses. "Unlike the current mile markers, which are expensive and need frequent maintenance, dead raccoons are cheap to manufacture and can already be found at quarter-mile intervals on virtually every highway in America," Transportation Secretary Rodney Slater said. "All we need to do is spread the raccoons out evenly, and we'll be set."

I Am No Longer Allowed In The Pet Store

I used to love to go to the pet store, but then last week Mr. Schumacher told me I can't come in no more. They have such nice animals there, and I'm sad because now I can't touch them.

Ask Loni Anderson's Agent

Barry Wachtler is a syndicated advice columnist whose weekly column, Ask Loni Anderson's Agent, appears in over 250 newspapers nationwide.
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Jesse Jackson Honored For Providing Inner-City Youths With Increased Photo Opportunities

NEW YORK–The National Urban League presented Rev. Jesse Jackson with a special lifetime-achievement award Tuesday, lauding him for his "unwavering commitment to creating photo opportunities for disadvantaged inner-city youths."

Jesse Jackson provides youths in Chicago's Cabrini Green housing project with a much-needed photo opportunity.

"For more than 30 years, Jesse Jackson has worked tirelessly to give at-risk young people the chance to stand next to him in photos that appear in major newspapers and magazines," National Urban League director Clarence Booker said. "Thanks to his efforts, thousands of inner-city youths, from Red Hook to Compton, can proudly stand up and say, 'I am somebody who has appeared in a picture with Jesse Jackson.'"

Jackson, the guest of honor at the $600-a-plate banquet at the Waldorf Astoria, was also praised for building "a grass-roots awareness of his face."

Accepting the award, Jackson urged banquet attendees to keep in mind that, even as the gala event was taking place, thousands of underprivileged urban youths across America were not receiving the vital Jesse Jackson photo opportunities they need.

"It is a crime that in this, the richest nation on Earth, a nation with more than enough high-quality Kodak ASA 400 color-print film for everyone, there are children living without any hope of getting their picture in The Chicago Tribune, much less in Newsweek or having it picked up by Reuters or AP," said the 57-year-old Jackson, president and founder of the Rainbow/PUSH Coalition. "We must expose the disgrace that is urban poverty in no fewer than 36 exposures."

Jackson went on to assail the news media for its loss of focus in recent years.

"The focusing controls for most major cameras are right on the end of the lens," Jackson said. "If I am standing four feet from the camera, the dial should be set to four. We must be diligent in our efforts to raise media awareness of the importance of this focus dial. Wake up, America. Wake up."

Last week, Jackson brought much-needed photographic exposure to the inner-city youths of New Orleans, posing for cameras with a number of them in front of the city's blighted McCann-Breaux projects.

"New Orleans' terrible urban decay," Jackson said, "provided an ideal backdrop for this important photograph. The rich red bricks of the abandoned buildings, adorned with colorful gang graffiti, nicely contrasted the bright blue sky and really helped draw the eye in."

In addition to helping to raise Jackson-awareness, the New Orleans visit created seven badly needed jobs for New Orleans Times-Picayune photographers.

"If not for Mr. Jackson," photographer Jerry Doumanian said, "I might not have had an assignment today."

According to Jackson publicist Dwayne Morton, the reverend is the best hope for publicity in the dilapidated urban centers of America.

"Last March, Jesse Jackson stood smiling in front of the East St. Louis housing projects in near-freezing weather during the 'Positive Image' campaign," Morton said. "In June, he stood with his arm around former President Jimmy Carter at the site of a proposed community center in Atlanta. Last month, he slaved under the hot flash bulbs at the Harbor-UCLA Medical Center, standing at the bedsides of victims of gang-related shootings. And every week, he bravely faces CNN cameras to host his Both Sides With Jesse Jackson program."

Next week, Jackson is staging a "March For Photos Of Color" down D.C.'s Pennsylvania Avenue. Jackson spokespersons said the goal of the march is to "mobilize hard-working photographers to stand up against black-and-white, inside-page pictures of Jackson and take front-page-quality pictures that celebrate all the colors of the rainbow."

"We must continue the struggle my publicist started three decades ago and never settle for page 28," Jackson said. "We must keep hope for the front cover–ideally, above the fold–alive."