MOGADISHU, SOMALIA–Secretary of State Madeleine Albright arrived in Mogadishu Monday, beginning a four-day diplomatic visit to the totally fucked-up nation of Somalia.

LAWRENCE, KS–Chad Briggs, a radical Marxist and University of Kansas junior, has capitalist parents, campus sources reported Monday.

ENGLEWOOD CLIFFS, NJ—The act of swallowing will soon be easier for millions of food-shoveling Americans.

BROOKLYN, NY—Law-enforcement officials leapt into action Tuesday, when it became clear that a Saab Turbo convertible was in peril.

NEWTON, MA–Local first-grader Jamie Linnell is in stable condition following exposure to a static, non-confrontational image Tuesday. The image, a 1947 Life magazine photo ...

NEW YORK–Calling recent urban renewal efforts "a grave threat to the city's fragile rat population," a group of New York City conservationists called ...

LOS ANGELES–The complete erasure of actor Ken Olin from human memory has been forestalled at least a year due to his role on CBS ...

OOGA-BOOGA LAND OR WHEREVER–Relief efforts are pouring into some country someplace, where 15,000 brown people have died over the past few weeks from ...

MONROE, MI–Farmer Jack cashier Brenda Herman confirmed the authenticity of her fingernails Tuesday, telling customer Courtney Klapisch that "they're totally real." "They're ...

WASHINGTON, DC–Life in the U.S. has significantly improved as a result of the Sept. 3 elections, according to a Georgetown University report released ...

Turn on the TV, and you're likely to see an ad for 10-10-321 or a similar long-distance phone service. Why are there suddenly so ...

After accidentally stumbling upon the long-lost plans of diabolical mad scientist Dr. Henley, you will become obsessed with the idea of building the perfect beast.

On Nov. 6, days after the elections that reduced the Republicans' House lead to just six seats, Newt Gingrich stepped down as Speaker of the ...