ELGIN, IL—The recent implementation of new cardinal and maize uniforms as the mandatory dress code at GrocerKing Food Stores has not only made employees ...

WATKINS GLEN, NY—In an announcement with dire implications for future munching, couch-based snacker Randall Boles confirmed Monday that his personal tortilla-chip supply has fallen ...

NEW YORK—Bowing to pressure from PETA, the Revlon Corporation said all its products will be rigorously tested on flora.

WASHINGTON, DC—Madeline Albright returned Monday from a “totally amazing” diplomatic visit to Ireland.

SOMERSET, NJ—Beleaguered parents worldwide are hailing Johnson Laboratories' new miracle drug Serenex, a single dose of which immobilizes the vocal cords of infants, rendering ...

LOS ANGELES—Detachment and boredom were very nearly concealed Monday when 1.5 ounces of semen were ejaculated into the face of adult-film star Brittany ...

WASHINGTON, DC—The White House and the FBI have ordered Fox to cancel Friday's When Presidents Are Assassinated live television special. "I'm disappointed ...

OREM, UT—A routine visit to the doctor ended in confusion Monday when Ray Lyons was asked to undress for an examination that did not ...

STILLWATER, OK—The world's theological community is in an uproar following Monday's discovery of a slight inconsistency in the Bible. "I was reading ...

CHAPEL HILL, NC—Granta, the award-winning quarterly literary magazine that features the finest in fiction, non-fiction, memoirs, interviews, essays and reportage, was derided Monday by ...

The U.S. military is facing a major personnel crisis, with recruitment and retention rates plunging in all branches. What is the military doing to ...

Your loud public whining about "getting the hell out of this podunk town" will finally drive your fellow Manhattanites over the edge.

Sometimes it's hard to figure out whether "Mom" and "Dad" are really your actual parents. Here are some things to look out for that ...

Attorneys General from 11 states met in Indianapolis last week to discuss ways to crack down on mail-in sweepstakes like Publishers Clearing House, which they ...