WASHINGTON, DC—Citing "America's unprecedented prosperity and stability" and "this one part where this ship is underwater and this sea-monster thing tries to eat ...

SAN JOSE, CA—More than four months after the couple's break-up, Jeff Knolpe continues to miss total hell-bitch Amanda Moret terribly, it was reported ...

BRIDGEPORT, CT—Law-enforcement officials were confounded by a mysterious bottle-shaped paper bag Monday.

SHREVEPORT, LA—Sean Boyce, 22, cares more about getting his paycheck than dedicating himself to his craft.

VISALIA, CA—Wedding attendee Marc Spanos was badly shaken Saturday when a conga-line participant ominously beckoned him to join the grim, undulating human chain. "This ...

ATLANTA—According to surprised neighbors, area resident Adam Brown doesn't look Jewish. "It's weird," said Kathleen Purdie, who recently learned of Brown's ...

PAWTUCKET, RI—With global famine worsening, Hasbro pledged an additional 30 white marbles Monday to hippo-hunger relief efforts. "To see those starving, starving hippos just ...

JACKSON, MS—As far as local resident Nate Childress can tell, the "brief nudity" promised in the HBO original movie Total Disclosure was not delivered ...

SEATTLE—According to reports, computer analyst Isaac Glenn, who earns $120,000 a year organizing and upgrading computer networks, does not know how to fashion ...

LODI, NJ—The moist, brownish pile on the Gehrke living-room floor is either cat food or cat shit, it was reported Monday. "If I had ...

Grossing $73 million in its first two weeks, The Matrix is blowing away all challengers at the box office. Why is the film such a ...

Stop yourself from gaining weight: Wrap your midriff in aluminum foil to block the CIA’s orbital stomach-control lasers.

Alarmed by the development of nuclear weapons in China, North Korea, Iran and Iraq, Congress recently approved a scaled-back version of the 'Star Wars' missile-defense ...