TOLEDO, OH—Despite the fact that everyone he meets obviously assumes he is gay, 34-year-old Toledo-area homosexual Jeremy Schuitt still thinks he's in the ...

ITHACA, NY—In an announcement with major implications for big fat hogs, geneticists said that serial chip-eating is hereditary.

SCHAUMBURG, IL—The worldview of Allen Koechley was shaken Monday, when he became aware of the possibility that non-Schaumburg places exist.

OMAHA, NE—A friendless, deeply depressed wretch trapped in a sterile cubicle will be happy to assist you with your order.

FLATWOODS, KY—A local prayer meeting ended in covetousness Saturday, when Marvin Teely, 35, enviously eyed fellow parishioner Janice Hough's Franklin Electronic-Bible-Verse Finder. "Why ...

NEW YORK—K&L Advertising executive Nathan Lohaus was killed in committee Monday, his life voted down by an 11-3 margin at the 2 p ...

HACIENDA HEIGHTS, CA—The natural light of the sun is extremely important to homeowner Gregg Dorner, it was reported Monday. "Natural light definitely opens up ...

EMPORIA, KS—Area widow Gwen Reid is said to be "crocheting frantically" following Tuesday's discovery of an uncovered Kleenex facial-tissue box in her home ...

NORFOLK, VA—By the order of the Virginia Safety Commission, the Norfolk Rotating Vortex Of Sharp Knives public-works project was temporarily closed Monday. "Until we ...

TUCSON, AZ—A party is reportedly underway at 2614 Arcadia Ave., where homeowner Glen Schlatter and no one else is enjoying a six-pack of Olympia ...

Pokemon, or "pocket monsters," is taking America by storm. What do kids love about this Japanese cartoon show/collectible trading-card game/Nintendo video game?

There's trouble in your romantic life, but don't worry: If it were as easy as tying them up until they agreed to love ...

Yo, who y'all think you be foolin' tryna act all hard and shit? I ain't tryna hear you talkin' 'bout how you be ...

Republican presidential candidate George W. Bush continues to dodge questions about whether he has ever used cocaine or other illegal drugs. What do you think?