• 1996
• 1997
• 1998
• 1999
• 2000
• 2001
• 2002
• 2003
• 2004
• 2005
• 2006
• 2007
• 2008
• 2009
• 2010
• 2011
• 2012

• <<
• 05.03.00 |
• 05.10.00 |
• 05.17.00 |
• 05.24.00 |
• 05.31.00 |
• 06.07.00 |
• 06.21.00 |
• 07.19.00 |
• 07.26.00 |
• 08.02.00 |
• 08.09.00
• >>

Area Man Really Wants To Like The Marx Brothers

• Account Manager Fondly Remembers Day In College When Everyone Hung Out On Roof

  ISSUE 36•21 | 06.07.00 | News

  MINNEAPOLIS–At a Monday meeting concerning second-quarter double-sided-tape sales, 3M account manager Rick Belbol fondly recalled the day he and his college roommates spent the day hanging out on the roof of their house. more»

  

• Blue Line Jumps 11 Percent

  ISSUE 36•21 | 06.07.00 | News

  NEW YORK–Excitement swept the financial world Monday, when a blue line jumped more than 11 percent, passing four black horizontal lines as it rose from 367.22 to 408.85. more»

  

• Ant Farm Teaches Children About Toil, Death

  ISSUE 36•21 | 06.07.00 | News

  PASADENA, CA—The new Playscovery Cove Ant Village is an interactive way to teach children about toil and inescapable death. more»

  

• Bus Passenger Stops Trying To Enjoy Kansas Scenery

  ISSUE 36•21 | 06.07.00 | News in Brief

  WALKER, KS–After several hundred miles of trying, Greyhound bus passenger Ed Costa finally aborted his attempt to enjoy the Kansas scenery Monday. "Fuck it," said Costa, turning his head from the window somewhere around Walker. "I've tried and tried to derive aesthetic pleasure from the view along I-70, but it's nothing but flat land as far as the eye can see." Costa said he was hoping to see "a hill that was even slightly rolling," but no luck. more»

• New Resort Community Still Trying To Think Of Name

  ISSUE 36•21 | 06.07.00 | News in Brief

  CLEARWATER, FL–Residents of the just-opened 200-acre gated resort community occupying Lot 643 of Pinellas County are still unable to agree on a name, community leaders confirmed Tuesday. "We've already ruled out 'Cypress Bay,' 'Orchard Ridge,' and 'Cedar Landing,'" association head Will Lufkin said. "Next week we're scheduled to debate 'Osprey Glen,' 'Maplewood Creek,' and 'Pipers Plantation.' I'd just like to get it taken care of soon, so we can get started on a newsletter." more»

• Spouse Under Fire For Telling Anecdote Wrong

  ISSUE 36•21 | 06.07.00 | News in Brief

  FLORENCE, SC–Allegations of improper vacation-anecdote-recounting were leveled Monday against area spouse Maria Courtnall. "Honey, you got it wrong again," said husband Willard after Maria went straight from the part about the cab driver to the thing at the hotel. "It's crucial to mention that we saw that billboard on the way to the hotel. Remember the billboard? Otherwise, the story doesn't make any sense." Maria insisted that she would have mentioned the billboard in due time. more»

• Lanthanum Quits Periodic Table Of Elements

  ISSUE 36•21 | 06.07.00 | News in Brief

  STOCKHOLM, SWEDEN–The world of chemistry was shaken Monday by lanthanum's announcement that the popular 57th element will quit Transition Group IIIb of the periodic table at the end of the summer. "I have nothing but good things to say about my time with the periodic table," said the ductile, silvery-white metal, speaking from the site of its discovery by Carl Gustav Mosander in 1839. "Nevertheless, I will be stepping down after Labor Day to focus on my own earth-metal solo projects." Rumors of a longtime feud with molybdenum and the constant demands of lens manufacturing are believed to be behind the departure. more»

• SNL Audience Moved To Tears By Soulful, End-Of-Episode Piano Music

  ISSUE 36•21 | 06.07.00 | News in Brief

  NEW YORK–The 296 members of the Saturday Night Live studio audience were moved to tears in the show's closing minutes Saturday by soulful, sentimental piano music. "After 90 minutes of live sketch comedy from the likes of Ana Gasteyer and Tim Meadows, that piano music set just the right mood of reflection and closure," audience member Liz Nokes said. "Without words, it conveyed just how much we'd been through together and captured the bittersweet feeling that comes from knowing that the good times and laughter have come to a close until next week." The teary-eyed audience swayed along with the cast, guest host Joshua Jackson, and musical guest 'N Sync, smiling wistfully and waving as they bid farewell to yet another successful episode. more»

• Goodwill Employees Shaken By Gigantic Pants

  ISSUE 36•21 | 06.07.00 | News in Brief

  LUBBOCK, TX–Goodwill workers Pam Stearns and Lydia Rutt were severely shaken by a pair of mammoth men's pants retrieved from the store's donation bin Monday. "At first, I thought it was some sort of denim tent or tarp," a still-rattled Stearns said. "But then, as Lydia started to unfold it, I slowly began to realize that I was looking at a pair of human pants." The colossal trousers are now on display in the employee break room. more»

• The NRA Restaurant

  ISSUE 36•21 | 06.07.00 | Infographic

  Last week, the NRA unveiled plans for NRA SportsBlast, a theme restaurant in New York City's Time Square. What are some of the eatery's features? more»

  

• Horoscope for the week of June 7, 2000

  ISSUE 36•21 | 06.07.00 | Horoscope

  Your purpose in life will be discovered this week when your oddly shaped body slides easily into the circus cannon. more»

• Who Can Possibly Save Us Now?

  ISSUE 36•21 | 06.07.00 | Statshot

  

• Backstreet Boys Become Backstreet Men In Backstreet Ritual

  ISSUE 36•21 | 06.07.00 | News in Photos

  

• Ramen Master Defeated By New Kung-Pao Style

  ISSUE 36•21 | 06.07.00 | News in Photos

  

• I Am Sick And Tired Of The Same Old Burger

  ISSUE 36•21 | 06.07.00 | Commentary

  I'm a busy, on-the-go kind of guy who doesn't always have time for a fancy sit-down meal. So about 10 or 11 times a week, it's McDonald's, Burger King, Wendy's, Hardee's, Arby's, Rax, Jack In The Box, or White Castle for me. more»

• The First Rule Of The Quilting Society Is You Don't Talk About The Quilting Society

  ISSUE 36•21 | 06.07.00 | Commentary

  Afternoon, ladies. Most of you know why you're here. You know what secret longings draw you, week after week, to this bright and tastefully appointed place, far from the prying eyes of a society that will not allow us to sew free. Many of you are hardcore veterans of the quilting society, old-school regulars of our little group that meets twice a month here in this church basement. You are loyal and trusted members of the sisterhood. Your furrowed brows are intent upon sewing, and the lust for bare-knuckled hand-stitching action pumps through your veins. You know full well what long-repressed urges find their release in the quilting way. You know what you want. more»

• Do Not Be Cross With Me, Sweet Lillian

  ISSUE 36•21 | 06.07.00 | Commentary

  From The Death-Bed Of T. Herman Zweibel, The Zweibel Estate. more»

• MIA Remains In North Korea

  ISSUE 36•21 | 06.07.00 | American Voices

  U.S. and North Korean officials are meeting in Kuala Lumpur this week to discuss efforts to recover the remains of 8,000 American soldiers missing in action in the Korean War. What do you think? more»

• On TV Tonight

  8:00

  9:00

  10:00

  CHANNEL

  Fox

  When Rabid Wolves Are Set On Fire In Nurseries

  When Heads Crack Open And You Can See The Brains All Coming Out

  When Stuntmen Are Shot From Cannons And Land On Spikes

  Lifetime

  Tumor Baby II: The Heartbreaking

  Addicted To Scope

  Cancer Is Just A Word

  The Judith Light Story—Starring Lindsay Wagner

  Game Show

  Excruciating Pantsuit Challenge

  Guess Rip Taylor's Sexual Orientation

  The Creepy Man- Wife -And- Secretary Show

  Bob Barker Back When Life Held Some Appeal

  BET

  It Takes A Budget Of Millions To Make This Crap

  Stereotype Hotel

  Blizack Nizews

  Bitch, Nigga, Shit, Fuck, Pussy, Dick, Asshole, Motherfucker Bleeped-Out Comedy Hour

  Sci-Fi

  Kickin' It With Harlan Ellison

  Bad CGI Force

  Mystery Science Theater 3000: Quest Of The Delta Knights

  Quest Of The Delta Knights

  Animal Planet

  Testing Animals' Patience

  The Crocodile Botherer

  Does It Bite?

  Wounded Pets And Their Hysterical Owners

  TBN

  Quiet Reflection And Prayer Time

  Panty Beach

  No! This Must Be Quiet Reflection And Prayer Time!

  Panty Beach

  Get There Behind Me, Satan! Remove Thy Presence From TBN's Quiet Reflection And Prayer Time!

  Panty Beach

  Comedy Central

  Mannequin 2: On The Move

  Watch Ben Stein Smirk

  The Six- Times-Daily Show

  Mannequin 2: On The Move

  Food Network

  This Week In Chutney

  The Torte Report

  How To Eat

  VH1

  Mr. Mister: Where Were They Then?

  Crosby

  Stills

  Nash

  Young

  Telemundo

  La Pregunta De 64,000 Pesos

  Muchas Problemas

  Tres Mujeres Calientes

  ¡Pedro Es Gordo!

  Nashville Network

  Uncle Dad

  Gettin' The Sinks Out Yer Yard

  You Call That A Dog?

  Countin' With Clem

  Jes' Sittin' On This Here Empty Oil Drum

  ESPN2

  Cinderblock Hanging From Your Neck Decathalong Quarterfinals From Reykjavik

  Championship Shit-Hauling

  Death-Rink Rodeo

  Malaysian Stick-Pummeling Semifinals

• Secretary Waxes Garfieldian

• Cheap Garbage Disposal Can't Handle Femur