ALTOONA, PA–During a campaign stop at an Altoona paper mill Monday, presidential contender Al Gore launched into an unexpected 40-minute tirade against the "not-so-great ...

JACKSONVILLE, FL–An uneventful late-night shift turned exciting Monday, when cashier Brett Runnells reported that a "carload of faggots just pulled up to the drive-thru ...

WASHINGTON, DC–A coalition of video-game characters representing the nation's leading systems appeared before Congress Monday to decry "the pointless, deadly presence" of spinning ...

WASHINGTON, DC–Continuing its long-running debate on the subject Monday, members of Congress argued the merits of Canadian power trio Rush. "'The philosopher and the ...

WASHINGTON, DC–A plank in the Republican Party platform calling for a 'Diversity Through Imported Africans' program is drawing fire from civil-rights leaders. "I do ...

BREMERTON, WA–According to observers, Jon Lowe, 22, and Rachel Dennard, 21, have not yet realized that grocery shopping and laundry can be accomplished by ...

CLEVELAND–A city-sponsored "Be Safe, Be Clean" needle-exchange program is in limbo due to suspicions that "dope-heads" and "druggies" may be using the program to ...

NEONTA, NY–A cabbage maggot called a press conference Tuesday to reveal "urgent" news concerning humanity and the afterlife. "First and foremost, I can tell ...

In the wake of the Napster trial, what are record labels doing to fight the unauthorized digital distribution of music?

In your explanation to the EMTs, you get no further than the part where you were "just trying to get the badger back into the ...

Gaining steam after last week's Republican National Convention, presidential candidate George W. Bush enjoys a strong lead over Al Gore in the polls. What ...