• 1996
• 1997
• 1998
• 1999
• 2000
• 2001
• 2002
• 2003
• 2004
• 2005
• 2006
• 2007
• 2008
• 2009
• 2010
• 2011
• 2012

• <<
• 04.24.02 |
• 05.01.02 |
• 05.15.02 |
• 05.22.02 |
• 05.29.02 |
• 06.05.02 |
• 06.12.02 |
• 06.19.02 |
• 07.17.02 |
• 07.24.02 |
• 07.31.02
• >>

Man Who's 1/16th Irish Proud Of His Irish Heritage

• Factual Error Found On Internet

  ISSUE 45•01 ISSUE 38•19 | 05.22.02 | News

  LONGMONT, CO—The Information Age was dealt a stunning blow with the discovery of unreliable data on the Internet. more»

  

• Pope Forgives Molested Children

  ISSUE 38•19 | 05.22.02 | News

  VATICAN CITY—Calling forgiveness "one of the highest virtues," the pope absolved priest-molested children of all sin. more»

  

• Handlers Desperate To Prevent Tara Reid Political Awakening

  ISSUE 38•19 | 05.22.02 | News

  LOS ANGELES—Tara Reid's management team is working feverishly to avert a potential political awakening in the actress. more»

  

• Retarded Child Gets New Video Game Right Before Every Dinner Party

  ISSUE 38•19 | 05.22.02 | News in Brief

  KETTERING, OH— Jeffrey Dumas, a developmentally disabled 12-year-old, receives a new PlayStation 2 video game right before every dinner party thrown by his parents. "Look, Jeffrey, a driving game!" said Meredith Dumas, 40, presenting her son with "Gran Turismo 3" and a box of snack crackers minutes before guests began arriving for a party Sunday. "I bet you could get a million points by bedtime if you started now!" The haul was one of Dumas' best since New Year's Eve, when a party thrown by his parents netted him "WWF Smackdown!," "Crash Bandicoot 2: Cortex Strikes Back," and "Simpsons: Road Rage." more»

• Struggling Airline Helped By Friendly Giant

  ISSUE 38•19 | 05.22.02 | News in Brief

  FORT WORTH, TX— Hit hard by the recession and the aftermath of Sept. 11, American Airlines has received some much-needed assistance from a friendly giant named Urno. "Urno has been of enormous help to us, mostly by picking up planes and running them to their destinations to cut fuel expenses," American Airlines president Donald Carty said Monday. "He also helps wash our dirty planes by dipping them into lakes and rivers." Carty said he has strongly discouraged Urno from swatting rival airlines' planes out of the sky, but "sometimes, he just won't listen." more»

• Area Man Urinating Like It's The Best Thing Ever To Happen To Him

  ISSUE 38•19 | 05.22.02 | News in Brief

  FALL RIVER, MA— According to fellow urinators in the men's room of the Tip-Top Tavern, Steve Rilke, 44, is urinating as if it were the best thing ever to happen to him. "From the sounds he's making, you'd think it was the culmination of a lifelong dream," said Frank Nolfo, moments after stepping away from the adjacent urinal. "I mean, this is one seriously passionate piss." Nolfo theorized that Rilke's overly enthusiastic bladder-voiding is somehow related to the Tip-Top Tavern's three-for-one special on Bud Ice. more»

• Fat Couple's Love Like A Fat Flower

  ISSUE 38•19 | 05.22.02 | News in Brief

  DECATUR, AL— The love shared by Gene West and Brenda Goslow, who together total nearly 600 pounds, is as precious as a heaving, bloated rose, friends of the Decatur couple report. "It's so inspiring to see two people lumber through life hand-in-hand," friend Alice Toffler said Monday. "Their love is like a big, beautiful, morbidly obese chrysanthemum. Or a new spring tulip that just can't lay off the Fritos." more»

• Same Jumbotron Used For Marriage Proposal Used To Ask For Divorce

  ISSUE 38•19 | 05.22.02 | News in Brief

  CLEVELAND— Seven years after using the giant television screen to propose marriage, Kevin Kalish, 36, used the Sony Jumbotron at Jacobs Field to ask his wife Diane for a divorce Sunday. "DIANE, YOU'RE A WONDERFUL WOMAN AND YOU'VE BEEN VERY GOOD TO ME," read the message, posted before 22,347 fans during the fifth inning of an Indians-Royals game. "BUT LATELY I'M JUST FEELING TRAPPED AND SMOTHERED BY MARRIED LIFE. DIANE, WILL YOU BE MY EX-WIFE?" The Jumbotron went on to inform Diane that Kevin assumes she will want custody of their two children, and that he has no plans to contest that. more»

• Rolling Stones Hit The Road

  ISSUE 38•19 | 05.22.02 | Infographic

  The Rolling Stones recently announced plans for a 40th-anniversary tour, starting in September. What can fans expect? more»

  

• Horoscope for the week of May 22, 2002

  ISSUE 38•19 | 05.22.02 | Horoscope

  It may be years before your coworkers treat you with respect again, but it will have been worth it for the brief time spent in the panda suit. more»

• How Have We Brought Shame To Our Grandparents?

  ISSUE 38•19 | 05.22.02 | Statshot

  

• Detroit Burned Down For The Insurance Money

  ISSUE 38•19 | 05.22.02 | News in Photos

  

• Ancient Melanesian Masks Thundered Past To Get To Star Wars Exhibit

  ISSUE 38•19 | 05.22.02 | News in Photos

  

• I Know What I Should've Told That Judge

  ISSUE 38•19 | 05.22.02 | Commentary

  Oh, man, is it too late to get a re-trial? Because I'm sure I could think of something better to say this time. They give you a second chance when you play the McDonald's Monopoly game, and that's a lot less important than being on trial for grand-theft auto. The thing is, I totally know what I should've told the judge. more»

• Offin' Office Max

  ISSUE 38•19 | 05.22.02 | Commentary

  Yo, this is a message foe all y'all wack muthafuckas at Office Depot: Step tha FUCK OFF, lest y'all wanna brawl wit' tha H-Dog an' tha rest of tha Midstate Office Supply krew. 'Cuz if it come to that, shit ain't gonna be pretty. Tha H-Dog and his Midstate ballers will WASTE yo' sorry li'l red-polo-shirted asses. Word is bond. more»

• Home-Improvement Tips

  ISSUE 38•19 | 05.22.02 | Tips

  Do-it-yourself home improvement can be money-saving and fun. Here are some tips to help you with that next project: more»

  

• What Did Bush Know Before 9/11?

  ISSUE 38•19 | 05.22.02 | American Voices

  Last week, a report revealed that President Bush was briefed on the possibility of terrorist hijackings several weeks before Sept. 11. What do you think? more»

• Cartoon Prisoner Stands Holding Bars All Day

• Guy Upstairs Discovers Ska