Magazine Announces Plans For Special 'Sex Issue'

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Issue 3828

Family Dog Barking At Evil

MEDFORD, OR—Spraggles, the Reid family's terrier, was barking at evil again Monday, his canine instincts detecting the presence of an unseen sinister force. "What on Earth is he carrying on about?" asked owner Ed Reid, watching Spraggles bark at a hall closet. "There's nothing in that closet but Grandma's old wedding gown and a hammer." Spraggles then headed to the backyard to bark at more evil, this time in the form of a newspaper page swirling in the wind.

Cash-Strapped Michael Jackson Forced To Sell Off Pet Giraffes As Meat

NEVERLAND VALLEY RANCH, CA—Nearly bankrupt due to Sony exploitation and under-promotion, Michael Jackson was forced to sell more than two dozen of his beloved pet giraffes to exotic-meat suppliers Monday. "I will greatly miss Patches and Princess and the other giraffes," Jackson said in a statement read by his lawyer. "But Tommy Mottola has cruelly left me with no choice but to pawn off some of my dearest friends in order to survive." Jackson's financial situation is reportedly so dire that he's also had to make do with a bargain-brand anal bleach.

Police Seek Poorly Drawn Man

DETROIT—Four days after the murder of liquor-store clerk Bernard Golub, police announced Tuesday that they are seeking a poorly drawn man in his 40s. "All units have been advised to be on the lookout for a 5-foot-9 Caucasian with dark hair and a lopsided face that looks all wrong in the jaw area," police chief Jerry Oliver said. Oliver added that the suspect has a scar across his forehead, or possibly just a mistake that wasn't fully erased.

Man Runs Out Of Questions To Ask 4-Year-Old

CAMDEN, SC—Two minutes into the interaction, David Linn ran out of questions to ask coworker Ron Marcone's 4-year-old son Luke. "I asked him his name, his age, if he has any brothers or sisters, if he's started school, his favorite food, what he wants to be when he grows up, and at least 20 things about the truck he was playing with," Linn said Monday. "After that, I just hit a wall." Linn added that he has newfound respect for Bill Cosby.

I'm Really Going To Miss This Task Force

As I look around this table, I see a group of people dedicated to improving the quality of school transportation in the North Rochester School District. More importantly, though, I see a group of people I will be very sorry to leave behind. I don't want to sound too gushy or sentimental, but I'm really going to miss this task force.

Home Sex Tape Watched Once

ATLANTA—A 17-minute home sex tape made by Dennis and Tami Gilby in early May has not been watched since its initial viewing. "I guess I thought it was something we'd watch every so often to get our juices flowing, but we haven't," Dennis said Monday. "Neither of us look too good, and we move around a lot less than I'd imagined. Plus, it was a single, wide shot of the bed, and the picture wasn't white-balanced very well." Dennis added that he thinks he may already have taped over the footage with some West Wing episodes.

Repressible Wit

If there's one thing I believe, it's that laughter is the best medicine. And your trusty Dr. Jean has been writing you a regular prescription for years. Goodness knows I'm no Whoopi Goldberg (who is?), but I like to think that I, too, have been blessed with the gift of seeing the lighter side of things. And I enjoy sharing my gift with the world right here in A Room Of Jean's Own.

The Fast-Food Lawsuit

On July 24, a lawsuit was filed against the fast-food industry for causing obesity and other health problems.

Catholic Teens Still Coming Down After Excitement Of World Youth Day

TORONTO—More than a week after the historic gathering, Catholic teens are still coming down from the excitement of World Youth Day, held July 28 in Toronto. "That was so totally rad, celebrating the Lord with the Pope and 800,000 of my fellow young Christians," said Missy Allen of Stillwater, OK. "It was just like Woodstock, only with more Christ and none of the sinful sex and drugs and rock music."
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Magazine Announces Plans For Special 'Sex Issue'

NEW YORK—In an unprecedented move that has sent shockwaves through the magazine industry, Jane announced plans Monday to publish a special "Sex Issue."

Jane Magazine Cover

"When the editorial staff got together to plan our next issue, somebody jokingly suggested devoting an entire issue to sex—a 'sex issue,' if you will," said Jane Pratt, editor-in-chief of Jane, a monthly magazine geared toward hip 18- to 32-year-old women. "After the laughter died down, the room fell silent for almost a minute. It was clear we'd stumbled onto something."

Founded in 1997, Jane has featured articles about sex in previous issues. But never before has it—or any other magazine—published a single issue featuring so many articles on the subject that it could only be called "The Sex Issue."

"The issue will contain all sorts of articles about sex, written by women who've had sex, for women who've had sex," Pratt said. "No doubt, some people out there will think we've gone too far, but we here at Jane have never been afraid to be provocative and really shake things up."

"This is real," Pratt continued. "This is what happens between the sheets. Everyone talks about sex behind closed doors. We thought it was time to break down those doors and bring it out into the open."

While the full content of the issue has not been revealed, Pratt mentioned several of the articles that made the final cut. Among them are "What He's Really Thinking About Your Body," "Seven Ways To Make Him Scream," and "The 'Big O': A How-To Guide."

The September issue of <i>Model Railroader.</i>

"I promise you this is going to be a wild ride," Pratt said. "One of our reporters is doing a story about the 'ins and outs' of vibrators, and another is actually reviewing porn. That should really ruffle some feathers within the more conservative quarters of the magazine world."

Added Pratt: "Some [of our readers] might be a little put off by the idea of an entire 'sex issue' at first. But if they just give it a chance, I'm confident they won't be able to put it down—until their boyfriends get home."

In spite of the enthusiasm among Jane staffers, the decision to publish a sex issue was not an easy one.

"Initially, we were afraid our advertisers were going to shy away from this," advertising director Corinne McHugh said. "It turns out, they were all crazy for the idea. We had to double our page count just to keep up with the ads that came flooding in."

In the wake of the announcement, a number of other publications have announced plans for "sex issues," including Cosmopolitan, Vogue, FHM, Stuff, Men's Health, Esquire, Spin, Entertainment Weekly, Sports Illustrated, Vanity Fair, Harper's, Better Homes & Gardens, Money, Mother Jones, Comics Buyer's Guide, National Geographic, Reason, The Watchtower, Model Railroader, Biblical Archaeology Review, and Cat Fancy.

"I don't know why we didn't think of this sooner," Pratt said. "It's like a license to print money. Sexy money."