AMHERST, MA—A filthy, disorganized apartment shared by three Marxists clearly shows why the utopia described by Marx will never come to fruition.

REDWOOD CITY, CA—Video-game developer Pixxel Arts announced Monday that it will delay the release of Beltway Sniper: Silent Strike out of respect for the ...

SOUTHFIELD, MI—In a move Coca-Cola marketing executives called "a clear sign of our branding success," highway worker Chuck Burdon, 37, purchased a two-liter Diet ...

NEW YORK—The History Channel confessed Monday that it used Nazi footage to fatten its coffers. "The time has come to bring our network's ...

Christian Slater Dropped From List Of Names To Drop
HOLLYWOOD, CA—Citing a rapidly lowering profile, the National Name Drop Index announced the removal of ...

DEERFIELD, IL—Upper-middle-class homemaker Irene Risser expressed fear Monday that there exists a gourmet coffee superior to the brands she currently buys. "I have Kona ...

Teen Newsweek Reports North Korea Is The Bomb
NEW YORK—According to the new issue of Teen Newsweek, a fledgling Newsweek spin-off aimed at younger ...

WASHINGTON, DC—Seeking to stem a four-year decline in freaky Yolandas throwing they titties on U.S. glass, U.S. Sen. Mix-A-Lot (B-WA) introduced sweeping ...

Last week, Winona Ryder was convicted of shoplifting $5,500 worth of merchandise from a Beverly Hills Saks Fifth Avenue. What are the terms of ...

The ever-increasing triviality of American life is good news for you and the other employees of the squirrel-waterski factory.

In last Tuesday's midterm elections, Republicans retook the U.S. Senate, giving them control of both houses of Congress. What do you think?