GLENDALE, CAThe already overflowing coffers of Nestlé subsidiary Raisinets were further fattened Monday, when Atlanta resident Jonathan Graber, 11, purchased a bag of the candy at a local convenience store. "Ah, very good... that's another 75 cents for us," said Raisinets president William Koenig, as he observed the Graber purchase on closed-circuit television at the company's Glendale headquarters. "With every bag of our delicious chocolate-covered raisin treats that they buy, we only grow more powerful." Koenig then opened a bag of Raisinets and tossed a handful into the air, laughing maniacally.
WASHINGTON, DCNational Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice announced Tuesday that she is "extremely distressed" that her lunch is missing from the White House break-room refrigerator. "I'm not going to ask twice: Who ate my turkey-and-avocado sandwich?" Rice asked Cabinet members. "My name was written right on it'C. Rice' in thick, red magic marker, so don't tell me it was an accident." Rice vowed that she will make whoever ate the sandwich buy her a whole new lunch.