Troubled Teens Mock Social Worker's Car

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Issue 3922

Man In Bar Makes General Inquiry About The Ladies

SAN ANTONIO, TX—Sitting on a barstool at the Stone Werks Tavern, Barry Todd, 39, made a general inquiry regarding the status of the ladies Monday. "So, what's the deal with the ladies tonight?" asked Todd, speaking to no one in particular. "Are they alone, or are they here with somebody? I hope they're not all uptight and stuck-up." After receiving no definitive answer, Todd spent the remainder of the evening flipping through the CDs on the jukebox and nursing his warm Michelob Light.

Cameraman Finds Sole Black Person In Studio Audience

LINCOLN, NE—During Tuesday's live broadcast of Mornings With Connie & Bill, Channel 8 cameraman Tom Benes managed to find Yolanda Davis, the only African-American in an otherwise all-Caucasian studio audience. "Connie [Dell] and Bill [Jordan] were chatting about Gladys Knight coming to town, and I just felt it would be nice to get a reaction shot from someone of color," Benes said. "That's the kind of subtle thing that makes the show more enjoyable for viewers at home." Benes kept his camera trained on Davis during the entire discussion of the Knight concert and later got a quick shot of her during a brief mention of Halle Berry.

Bakery's Closing Nets Man Ton Of Free Éclairs

CEDAR RAPIDS, IA—Area resident Andrew Rutherford, 43, took advantage of the 7 p.m. closing of Napoleon's French bakery Monday, taking home what he described as a "ton" of free éclairs. "I swung by to get a donut just as they were closing up shop for the night, and this guy behind the counter asks if I wanted, like, three huge bags of éclairs for nothing," Rutherford said. "So I'm like, 'Hell, yeah!' They were just gonna throw them away, I guess. My roommates were so psyched." Though weighing far less than an actual ton, the éclair bags tipped the scales at nearly nine pounds.

MC Serch Updates List Of Gas-Face Recipients

QUEENS, NY—For the first time since the list's 1989 release, MC Serch of 3rd Bass unveiled an updated Gas Face list Tuesday, removing such longtime recipients as Hammer and P.W. Botha in favor of more current wrongdoers. "Osama bin Laden... gets the gas face," MC Serch, flanked by Prime Minister Pete Nice, told reporters. "Bill O'Reilly, shut the fuck up! Gas face!" Also included on MC Serch's newly revised Gas Face list were Scott Peterson, U.S. Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA), and Grand Puba.

Graduation Party More Lucrative Than Planned Future Career

BLOOMINGTON, IN—Caryn Niering, who last week received a Bachelor of Arts degree from Indiana University, earned more in cash and gifts during her graduation party Monday than she can ever hope to amass in her chosen career as a school psychologist. "I got a pretty sweet deal at the party," Niering said. "My uncle Mark gave me a check for $1,000, and my dad bought me a new Volkswagen Jetta." Niering's total haul at the graduation party was $19,600, while her starting salary as a school psychologist will be $17,000 a year.

Exaggerating The WMD Threat

Critics are accusing the Bush Administration of distorting the destructive threat posed by Iraq. Among the U.S. claims under suspicion:

Five-Disc Jazz Anthology Still Unopened

LOUISVILLE, KY—A five-disc jazz-anthology box set, lovingly assembled to give novices an appreciation and understanding of the uniquely American art form, remains unopened nearly two years after its purchase, sources reported Monday.

Let Smoove Rock Your Body And World

Have I told you how wonderful you are? When I am with you, I feel like a whole new Smoove. Since you have asked me not to call you at work, I have opted to discuss your fineness through my column.
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Special Coverage


Local Household Announces Plans To Overdo Halloween Again

HIGHLAND PARK, IL—Having hauled over a dozen boxes of lights and plastic decorations as well as a large black-cat-shaped lawn inflatable from storage, members of the Hutchcroft family announced to neighbors from their front yard Thursday their plan to completely overdo Halloween again this year.


Troubled Teens Mock Social Worker's Car

CHICAGO—Despite facing socioeconomic inequities that put them at a lifelong disadvantage, troubled inner-city teens at Marcus Garvey High School are fond of openly mocking their social worker's "shitty car," sources reported Monday.

Rogowski and the 1990 Subaru mocked by Stefano (top) and Banks (bottom).

Social worker Gary Rogowski, 32, works with disadvantaged youths on Chicago's South Side through the neighborhood Second Start program. His car, a 1990 Subaru Loyale station wagon that, as Rogowski puts it, "has seen better days," is a constant source of derision among the teens he has dedicated his professional life to helping.

"Last week, Mr. Rogowski was all up in my face about how I got to go to the job center," said Manny Acevedo, 18, who has struggled with substance abuse for more than three years. "I told him I didn't have no ride, so he says he'll drive me himself, and about an hour later, he shows up in the sorriest car I ever seen. Me and my sisters, we was laughing our asses off as he pull up. I was like, 'Why don't you go to the job center, Mr. Career Advice Man? 'Cause with that car, it's pretty obvious you ain't getting paid.'"

"Mr. Rogowski drive one seriously ugly-ass car," agreed Tyquan Banks, 18, another Second Start program member.

Rogowski said he purchased the Subaru in 1997 "just to use as a winter beater" after his previous car was stolen from outside his workplace at the Cook County Department of Social Services office. Though he planned to keep the car just long enough to last him through the winter months, budget cuts in Chicago's social-services programs resulted in a 15 percent salary cut, leaving him unable to trade in the vehicle.

"After the pay cut, I could no longer float the loan I'd been banking on that spring, so I had to put off getting a better car," Rogowski said. "I figured I'd just put it off for another year. I've been doing that for—how long?—I guess about five years now."

Continued Rogowski: "If that's not bad enough, these kids won't let me hear the end of it."

During a trip to the Cook County Courthouse for a preliminary parental-fitness hearing in April, single mother of two Mary Carver, 17, told Rogowski, "We should make a quick stop first—at the dump, where this piece of garbage you're driving belongs." She then pointed at him and laughed.

Rogowski suffered more good-natured ribbing from Louis Stefano, 15, who asked the social worker if he should borrow money from his mother's welfare check "to pay a truck to come haul away that piece-of-shit car of yours."

According to experts, such exchanges are not uncommon between troubled teens and the drastically underpaid civil servants who are assigned to help them.

"These kids live under tremendous social pressure to achieve status in a visible, immediately recognizable way—designer clothes, flashy cars, jewelry—even if it means turning to crime," said sociologist Dr. Jeremy Gottlieb, author of The Bling-Bling Factor: How Society Teaches Disadvantaged Kids To Value Instant Gratification Over Substantive Values. "Music videos and magazines teach them that to get respect, you have to be a 'playa.' So you have to admit, it's ridiculous to expect them to respect an ostensible 'authority figure' whose annual salary is less than what their average neighborhood drug dealer makes in a month."

"I mean, have you seen what these social workers have to drive?" added Gottlieb, stifling a laugh. "Man, talk about shitboxes on wheels."

For his part, Rogowski said he tries to view the teasing as just another occupational hazard.

"I try to let it roll off my back," he said. "I realize these are kids who, in most cases, are dealing with intense personal issues of low self-esteem and poor self-image, and that this is just a defense mechanism to compensate for their own insecurities. They are, by and large, traumatized children who live every day in the shadow of drugs, poverty, and violence. So I'm sympathetic to their situation."

Added Rogowski: "On the other hand, I certainly wouldn't mind if someday the city decided to pay me enough money to afford a car that doesn't need a half-gallon of oil poured under the hood every three days just to keep the fucking thing running."