WASHINGTON, DC—Secretary of Energy Spencer Abraham said it feels like he's mentioned his "mostly softcore" film work to everyone.

ORLAND PARK, IL—For the third uneventful day in a row, members of the Poison Ninjas Club awaited the invasion of their tree house, sources ...

NEW YORK—Alarmed by their consistently unhealthy choices, Americans are calling for legislation that will protect them from their own behavior.

McALLEN, TX—Thanks to the intervention of White House political advisor Karl Rove, McAllen East Middle School elected a Republican student body president Monday. "I ...

BIRMINGHAM, AL—According to Jeffrey Duncan, 43, his friend Ronald Washington "completely ripped off" his personal mantra from civil-rights leader Martin Luther King Jr. "Ron ...

WASHINGTON, DC—In an effort to weed out pedophiles, two FBI agents, identified only as "Cutiepie1994" and "KoalaLover," unknowingly communicated with one another in the ...

CHICAGO—17-year-old Jeremy Kempf reluctantly acknowledged that parents Judith and Harvey were right about Limp Bizkit lead singer Fred Durst Tuesday. "I used to crank ...

SHREWSBURY, WV—A bunch of local, piss-ant, hick nobodies filed a lawsuit against the Allegheny Electric Cooperative Monday, alleging that the company exposed residents to ...

Wildfires have ravaged Southern California. How are citizens responding?

Your foolproof plan to rob the biggest bank in town goes sour when you overestimate your friends' loyalty, trust the wrong woman, and oversleep.

Violence against American troops in Iraq surged last week, with attacks killing dozens. What do you think?