MILTON, MA—Tragedy was narrowly averted in the Bourke household Monday, when Harry, the family's pet hamster, was violently thrown from the 4" by ...

NEW YORK—A U.S. Geological Survey expeditionary force announced Tuesday that it has discovered a previously unknown and unexplored land mass between the New ...

ELGIN, IL—A customer's repeated attempts to complain to the store manager about Mama Z's Pizza employee Matt Wheaton were successfully thwarted by ...

WASHINGTON, DC—According to Bush, much pleasure is to be found in Virgil's lesser-known The Eclogues and The Georgics.

AMSTERDAM—Citing "organization-wide disinterest in a truly mundane species of bird," Greenpeace announced Monday that it is ending its decades-long fight to save the endangered ...

WASHINGTON, DC—Insisting that "this is important, people," the National Filmstrip Board called for quiet Monday, urging U.S. citizens to observe proper decorum and ...

FRESNO, CA—Despite clearly marking her initials on her rice-cake bag in black Magic Marker, secretary Elaine Fahey was once again the victim of I ...

GARLAND, TX—Local resident Jesse McCombs' sole remaining lung filled with the rich, satisfying flavor of Parliament cigarettes Monday. "Mmm, now that's a good ...

DETROIT—In a strongly worded pronouncement to all y'all motherfuckers, Detroit resident Dwayne Combs urged all y'all to go fuck yo' selves Monday ...

New York is in the running to host the 2012 Summer Games. Among the NYC 2012 organizing committee's selling points:

When choosing a pet this week, make sure it's one your friends approve of, as it'll outlive you by at least a dozen ...

Amelia Earhart Missing; Famed Aviatrix 'Probably Just Shopping,' Search Teams Say

For homeowners, few things are more satisfying than a beautiful lawn and garden. Here are some tips to help you improve yours:

Experts continue to urge Congress to cut the growth of Social Security, warning that the nation faces unsustainable deficits if action isn't taken. What ...