Guy In Philosophy Class Needs To Shut The Fuck Up
HANOVER, NH—Darrin Floen is unfamiliar with John Stuart Mill's theory of cramming it for a change.
Issue 4139
Two Publicists, Stylist, Personal Assistant Injured As Nicole Kidman Turns On Handlers
LOS ANGELES—The Oscar-winner’s publicist suffered extensive nerve damage and severely yanked hair.
Report: Some Sort Of Primary Just Happened
OLYMPIA, WA—Inconclusive evidence suggests that some kind of primary election might have occurred in the last week or so.
New PSA Reduces Accidental Staplings By 33 Percent
WASHINGTON, DC—In the wake of a campaign launched by the Occupational Safety And Health Administration this spring, accidental stapling...
Bush's Approval Rating Of Other Americans Also At All-Time Low
WASHINGTON, DC—Shortly after President Bush's job-approval rating dipped to 40 percent, the lowest of his presidency, a poll indicated that...
Congress Abandons WikiConstitution
WASHINGTON, DC—Congress scrapped the open-source, open-edit, online version of the Constitution Monday, only two months after it went live....
Nobody In Ukraine Notices Absence Of Government
KIEV, UKRAINE—The firing of Prime Minister Yulia Tymoshenko and the dismissal of most of the federal government continued to go unremarked by...
Delta Blues Poised For Biggest Revival Since 1915
NEW ORLEANS—Blues historians report that Delta blues, an early blues form that arose in the Mississippi Delta region, is poised for its biggest...
NASA Moon Mission
Last week, scientists at NASA announced that they will send a manned spacecraft to the moon by the year 2018. Here are some of their ...
September 28, 1964
Malcolm X: 'I Also Have A Dream'
ESPN Courts Female Viewers With 'World's Emotionally Strongest Man Competition'
BRISTOL, CT—Sports broadcasting giant ESPN, whose programming has long been a staple among male television viewers of all ages, made its first foray into ...
Dying Boy Brought In To Cheer Up Kansas City Royals
KANSAS CITY—Desperate to give their last-place, 100-loss team something to smile about, the Royals arranged to have a terminally ill little boy pay a ...
Lance Armstrong's Endurance Tested By Sheryl Crow Concert
DALLAS—Seven-time Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong found his endurance stretched "almost to the breaking point" last Friday by a three-hour, 30-song concert presented ...
FEMA Disaster Survival Tips
Recent events have underscored the importance of being properly prepared to deal with the effects of natural disasters. With that in mind, the Federal Emergency ...
Cigarette Moderation Still Kills
A new study shows that smoking as little as one cigarette a day can still triple heart-disease risks. What do you think?
Tom DeLay Steps Down
Rep. Tom DeLay (R-TX) was recently indicted on charges of conspiracy in a campaign-financing scheme, and forced to temporarily step down as House...
Gay Clergyman
The Vatican has announced that it will prevent homosexuals from entering the priesthood. What do you think?
Cheney's Aneurysms
Vice President Dick Cheney is recovering after having aneurysms removed from the back of both his knees. What do you think?
IRA Disarmament
The Irish Republican Army, working with an independent international commission, claims to have destroyed all its weapons stockpiles. What do...
