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Issue 4141

'Ditka' Chicago Man's Answer To Everything

SCHAUMBURG, IL—Almost 20 years after Mike Ditka led Chicago to their only Super Bowl victory, lifelong Chicago resident Dave Johannes continues to suggest the beloved former Bears coach and current hair-gel and erectile-dysfunction-medicine endorser as the solution to every problem of which he is personally aware.

October 10, 1991

Supreme Court Nominee Clarence Thomas: 'The Ass-Slapping Was Never Done In An Inappropriate Manner'
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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