Rest Of U2 Perfectly Fine With Africans Starving
SAN FRANCISCO—The Edge, Adam Clayton, and Larry Mullen Jr. are perfectly okay with the dismal plight of Africa's poor.
Issue 4149
Voice Of God Revealed To Be Cheney On Intercom
WASHINGTON, DC—In one intercom-exchange transcript, a voice identifies himself as "the Lord thy God" and promotes the invasion of Iraq.
Report: U.S. Coupon Wealth Largely Untapped
WASHINGTON, DC—The Department of Consumer Savings says that, in the midst of inflation, Americans are missing out on big money-saving opportunities.
Alcoholic Kindergarten Teacher Stretches Naptime To Three Hours
IRVING, TX—Following a tiring weekend, kindergarten teacher and self-described "party girl" Jeanie Rigby, 29, extended the naptime at Irving KinderKare to three hours Monday.
New Book Written From Perspective Of Gargamel
NEW YORK—Gregory Maguire, author of Wicked, the story of Oz told from the Wicked Witch's perspective, has completed a novel told from the ...
More Americans Falling For 'Get Rich Slowly Over A Lifetime Of Hard Work' Schemes
OMAHA, NE—A report released Monday by the Omaha-based public-interest group Aurora indicates that increasing numbers of Americans are being defrauded by schemes that offer ...
Goldfish Can't Stand Bowlmate
INNISKILL, RI—Sonny Jim, a 9-month-old goldfish, can no longer tolerate his bowlmate, 9-month-old goldfish Sally.
'Employees Must Wash Hands' Signs Top Iraqi Hospital Wish List
MAHMOUDIYA, IRAQ—As the tumultuous process of reconstruction continues throughout Iraq, health-care workers are still lacking the basic necessities.
Human-Genome Patenting
According to a recent study, 20 percent of human genes have been patented in the U.S. Which genes have been registered, and who are ...
December 6, 1933
18th Amendment Repealed; Could Alcohol Cure Nation's Depression?
Undefeated Colts To Play Football's Harlem Globetrotters
INDIANAPOLIS—The Indianapolis Colts, after building a perfect 12-0 record so far this season and expecting perhaps only the Seattle Seahawks to pose a major ...
Indians Meet With Trevor Hoffman, Forget To Offer Contract
CLEVELAND—Despite spending two full days this past weekend with Trevor Hoffman, Indians GM Mark Shapiro admitted that...
Larry Brown Promises Knicks Will Make Playoffs In Some League
NEW YORK—Larry Brown, whose Knicks are currently struggling in the National Basketball Association, vowed that his team...
Narnia Targeted To Christians
The film adaptation of The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, the first installment of the Chronicles Of Narnia series, is being marketed...
Lennon, 25 Years Gone
Today marks the 25th anniversary of the death of John Lennon. What do you think?
9/11 Commission Let Down
In their final report, the 9/11 Commission said they were disappointed by the government response to their recommendations. What do you think?
British Recognize Gay Unions
Gay "civil partnerships" will be legally recognized in Great Britain later this month. What do you think?
Patriot Act Renewed
The House and Senate have reached a deal to re-authorize the Patriot Act. What do you think?
