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Issue 4151

How Very Special

I don't have to tell you Jeanketeers that Christmas is just around the corner, which means it's time for—you got it—TV Christmas...

Dental Hygienist Sick Of Being Lied To

MUNDELEIN, IL—Dawn Roycroft, a 38-year-old dental hygienist at the Park Court Mall Dental Center, said Monday that she can no longer tolerate the half-truths and outright fabrications she is exposed to hourly.

CIA Chief Admits To Torture After Six-Hour Beating, Electrocution

LANGLEY, VA—An internal CIA investigation into the possible use of illegal and inhumane interrogation techniques produced a confession from CIA director Porter Goss Monday, with the aid of waterboarding, food and light deprivation, and the application of wire hangers hooked to a car battery to the testicles.

New TSA Guidelines

The Transportation Safety Administration recently loosened air-travel restrictions. What are the modified guidelines?
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