Saturn Probe To Be Biggest Story Of The Year

Top Headlines

Issue 4152

Well-Rested Bush At The Top Of His Game

CRAWFORD, TX—Fit, trim, confident in his power base, and above all well-rested following a four-week, three-day vacation at his Crawford ranch, President Bush is currently in the prime of his presidential form, pundits say.

April Comes To A Close

WASHINGTON, DC—Experts at the Naval Observatory report that April, as it has every year at this time since records were kept, is progressing to an end.

Deep Fruit Revealed To Be Charles Nelson Reilly

NEW YORK—The identity of Deep Fruit, the source that brought down a studio audience in the Waterblank scandal in 1973, was revealed to be actor and Match Game panelist Charles Nelson Reilly, in an article published in Vanity Fair today.

Tracking Bush's Approval Rating

In 2005, the nation's confidence in President Bush reached an all-time low. What are the events that triggered the most significant changes in his approval rating?
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Family

Report: Dad Wants To Show You Where Fuse Box Is

YOUR LOCATION—Noting that it’s important to be prepared in case of emergencies but it’s also a good thing to know in general, your dad announced today that he wants to show you where the fuse box is.

Race Relations

Saturn Probe To Be Biggest Story Of The Year

PASADENA, CA—A mere two weeks into the New Year, already what will undoubtedly be the biggest story of the year will have taken place: the upcoming Jan. 14 landing of the Huygens space probe on Titan, Saturn's immense moon. "The probe could impart invaluable clues about the evolution of our own planet, as Titan is the only moon in our solar system with a fully developed atmosphere," Jet Propulsion Laboratory spokesperson Dr. Gregory Bloom said. "Meanwhile, the Cassini orbiter will continue to photograph Saturn's other moons throughout the year, delivering what will assuredly be dazzling views, and possibly revealing more lunar atmospheres, or even new moons. It's exhilarating to be living in these incredible times." Asked whether the spacecraft's four-year tour of the Saturnian system might tell us more about how Saturn's rings were formed, Bloom became coy, saying, "You'll just have to wait until May, when Cassini will begin using radio occultation to estimate the size-distribution of ring particles."

Next Story