Second U.S. Mining Disaster

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Issue 4203

Patriots' 2006 Victory Parade Awkward, Sparsely Attended

BOSTON—Poor player attendance, negligible fan turnout, and a marked lack of general enthusiasm marred the New England Patriots' annual season-ending parade through the streets of Boston Monday in what is being regarded as the worst such parade in the last three years.

Bill Romanowski Bursts Into Senate To Deny He Ever Took Steroids

WASHINGTON, DC—Former NFL linebacker Bill Romanowski, known during his 17-year career as a gung-ho fitness freak with a near-perfect physique, receding hairline, and extremely short temper, ran onto the floor of the United States Capitol building Monday, interrupting Samuel Alito's Supreme Court confirmation hearings and resisting the efforts of Capitol police to detain him while loudly and repeatedly insisting he never took steroids.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Area Man

This Great Song, Bar Sources Report

TOMAH, WI—Pausing their conversations momentarily to call attention to the music playing on the establishment’s jukebox, sources at local bar Shepherd’s confirmed to reporters Friday that this is a great song.

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