NEW YORKLess than six months since players returned from a yearlong lockout, hockey is once again in turmoil following last week's announcement that "goaltending," or attempting to obstruct a shot on goal or impede the puck's progress with one's body or stick, would become a two-minute minor penalty, a rule change that went into effect Monday.
With just one game remaining in the NFL season, the field of championship contenders has been trimmed considerably. Over the next two weeks, we wrap up this season's pro-football coverage with continuing Super Bowl dispatches from Detroit. Turn to Onion Sports for complete reports on sport's greatest spectacle, staged this year in one of America's most urban cities. Onion Sports will be updating its Super Bowl XL coverage daily during the week, with an entirely new Onion Sports page every Thursday as always.
LODWAR VALLEY, KENYAKenyan Cletus Jerop-Ogechi, a currently unemployed welder and self-described "old school" marathon fan, confessed openly Tuesday to enjoying long-distance cross-country running solely for the crashes.
SAN FRANCISCOA Craigslist advertisement for a two-bedroom apartment in San Francisco's Castro district has set an all-time Internet record for exclamation-point usage with 354, the Bureau Of Statistics reported Tuesday.
TUPELO, MSBorn-again Christian juggler Jesse Lindall, 44, said Tuesday he regrets his secular past. "Kids are trying to juggle friends and school, so it can be overwhelming when Satan throws them a temptationho!"
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox
8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC
Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!
BROKEN ARROW, OK—Admitting it had no idea what it was supposed to do with the dozens of preservatives and flavor enhancers, the stomach of local man Shawn Harper reportedly set aside the synthetic additives that the 33-year-old consumed during lunch Thursday until it had a few minutes to figure out how to properly digest them.