adBlockCheck

British: UFOs Aren't Real

Top Headlines

Issue 4218

Wig-Wearing Mike Tyson Retires From Foxy-Boxing

ATLANTIC CITY, NJ—Mike Tyson, his bikini straps slipping from his shoulders, his makeup running, and his long blonde wig in disarray following a fourth-round knockout delivered by Melonee "Boom-Boom-Chick" Gilchrist, announced Tuesday night...

I Know Why The Mounted Fish Sings

Consider, gentles, the marvel which Fate and father-in-law have seen fit to provide us: wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles, a 14-inch bass...

Life Coach Has Losing Record

BURLINGTON, VT—Life coach David Harmon, 48, has yet to lead anyone to a major victory and has tallied a mere 6–18–1 record in his...
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Holidays

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close