British: UFOs Aren't Real

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Issue 4218

Wig-Wearing Mike Tyson Retires From Foxy-Boxing

ATLANTIC CITY, NJ—Mike Tyson, his bikini straps slipping from his shoulders, his makeup running, and his long blonde wig in disarray following a fourth-round knockout delivered by Melonee "Boom-Boom-Chick" Gilchrist, announced Tuesday night...

I Know Why The Mounted Fish Sings

Consider, gentles, the marvel which Fate and father-in-law have seen fit to provide us: wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles, a 14-inch bass...

Life Coach Has Losing Record

BURLINGTON, VT—Life coach David Harmon, 48, has yet to lead anyone to a major victory and has tallied a mere 6–18–1 record in his...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Area Man

This Great Song, Bar Sources Report

TOMAH, WI—Pausing their conversations momentarily to call attention to the music playing on the establishment’s jukebox, sources at local bar Shepherd’s confirmed to reporters Friday that this is a great song.