Exhausted Video Editor Can't Tell If Blooper Reel Is Funny Anymore
LOS ANGELES, CA–Lessner fears he's lost the "killer instinct" that formerly allowed him to churn out missed-fly-ball montages and ladder-fall tableaus in minutes.
Issue 4225
New Roommate Always There
COLUMBUS, OH–Adam Polentz said he doubts his 22-year-old roommate got up from the couch even once the entire time Polentz was away last weekend.
Report: U.S. May Have Been Abused During Formative Years
WASHINGTON, DC–A new study suggests that abandonment issues going back more than two centuries may be fueling the country's aggressive tendencies.
Fan-Favorite First Season Of Bush Administration Released On DVD
WASHINGTON, DC—Responding to growing demand, the Bush Administration has announced that their popular and critically acclaimed first season...
No One At Porn Site Responding To Area Man's Bad Link Report
CHARLESTON, SC—Frank Connor's repeated e-mails to the webmaster of Assmouthblowout.com concerning a bad link have gone without a response...
Area Woman Fulfills Dream Of Becoming Writer By Getting Job At Bookstore
PHILADELPHIA—Aspiring novelist Sandy Bellman took the last step in her personal journey as a professional writer last week when she was...
Coworker Even A Dick In His Expense Reports
LIVONIA, MI—Charging his transportation, lodging, and entertainment costs to his company's expense account is just one more opportunity for...
June 24, 1957
Eisenhower Vows to Address Growing Problem of Overdue Library Books
Carolina Residents Confused, Terrified As Victorious Hurricane Players Riot In Streets
RALEIGH, NC—Only hours after the Carolina Hurricanes won the NHL Championship Monday night in a hard-fought Game 7 against the Edmonton Oilers, North Carolina ...
Report: David Segui's Awesome Parents Let Him Use Human Growth Hormone
BALTIMORE—Former Baltimore Orioles designated hitter David Segui admitted last week that, although he did regularly use human growth...
TBS's Department Of Humor Analysis Fails To Find Humor In Braves Games
ATLANTA—With the Braves recently sinking into last place in the National League East, the TBS network's in-house Department Of Humor...
ESPN2 Experiments With Broadcasting NBA Finals From Dan Patrick's Point Of View
BRISTOL, CT—The ABC Sports family extended its attempt to offer alternative coverage of major sporting events by using miniaturized cameras...
A-Rod Shipped Back To Manufacturer To Fix Mechanical Flaw In Swing
NEW YORK—After noticing a slight, recurring mechanical flaw in its swing that has caused its season average to dip to .275, Yankee officials...
Adult-Proof Ringtone
Some teens are reportedly using a ringtone so high-pitched that most adults cannot hear it. What do you think?
Pentagon: Gay Equals Crazy
Recently released documents reveal that the Pentagon considers homosexuality to be a mental disorder, decades after mainstream psychology dismissed...
Death Penalty For Hussein?
Chief prosecutor Jaafar al-Moussawi called for the death penalty for Saddam Hussein for crimes against humanity during attacks on Shiite civilians in...
