Pope Benedict XVI Haunted By 15 Previous Benedicts

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Issue 4241

Oct. 10, 1991

Supreme Court Nominee Clarence Thomas: 'The Ass-Slapping Was Never Done In An Inappropriate Manner'

George Steinbrenner Fires Tigers

NEW YORK—Immediately following the Yankees' first-round playoff elimination last Saturday, George Steinbrenner released a statement announcing his intention to fire the Detroit Tigers, whose "inexcusable postseason performance stunned and...

Show Us The Slurry!

Item! Everybody knows that Tom Cruise and Katie Bosworth had their baby, Slurry. But how come no one has seen it yet?...

Bin Laden's Mother Worried Sick

JEDDAH, SAUDI ARABIA—"He could be in a ditch somewhere and I wouldn't even know it," said the mother of the wanted international terrorist.

Area Man Finally Finds Bodymate

LARAMIE, WY—Longtime bachelor Nick Oakley has finally found the one woman whose body he has been looking for all his life, Oakley, 31,...

Retired S1Ws Recalled To Active Duty

STRONG ISLAND, NY—Citing a decline in recruitment since the apocalypse of '91, Public Enemy leaders have recalled S1Ws in an effort to combat the current Mess Age.

World's Youngest Person Born

DELHI, INDIA—Harinakshi Himati, an 18-inch, 10-pound baby born less than one minute ago to Delhi taxi driver Ganaresh Himati and his wife...
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