Child-Safety Experts Call For Restrictions On Childhood Imagination
WASHINGTON, DC—"By constantly reminding kids that they're human children with no magical skills, you ensure that they will live a prolonged life," child-safety ...
Issue 4308
Giuliani To Run For President Of 9/11
NEW YORK—Supporters of the former mayor praised Giuliani for his "early and unwavering commitment" to 9/11
Former Editor Can't Believe Shit College Newspaper Is Printing
NEW YORK—"It's clear the new people don't give a shit, and believe me, that kind of thing starts at the top," Troy ...
Internal Affairs Investigator Disappointed Conspiracy Doesn't Go All The Way To The Top
MILFORD, CT—Milford Police Department Internal Affairs investigator Sean Ferris was visibly dismayed Monday to learn that his probe into a...
Ellen DeGeneres Prepares To Host Academy Awards By Spending Eight Hours A Day In Oscars Simulator
LOS ANGELES—Since the announcement that she will be hosting this year's Academy Awards, daytime talk show host Ellen DeGeneres has reportedly...
Rapture Wreaks Havoc On Local Book Club
MARION, IN—Following last week's rapture, which transported four members of the Millersville Mockingbirds Book Club to heaven in order to be...
Temperature Of Coffee Expected To Rise Nine Degrees By End Of 21st Century
WASHINGTON, DC—A report released by the Union of Concerned Dietitians stated that not only will the temperature of coffee increase by nearly...
Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue
The 2007 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue was released this month. Here are some of its surprises:
Feb. 19, 1915
Henry Ford Unveils New Line Of Anti-Semitic Autos
MLB No Longer Accepting New Players
MILWAUKEE—In a tersely worded press release Tuesday, Major League Baseball sent a strong message to the thousands of college, high-school, and Little League athletes ...
Manny Ramirez Has Weirdest Feeling He Should Be Somewhere While Watching Spring Training
SANTO DOMINGO, DOMINICAN REPUBLIC—While watching a live spring-training report from the Boston Red Sox training facility in Fort Myers, FL...
Mark Martin: 'I'm Too Old To Be Driving Cars Around'
DAYTONA BEACH, FL— Four-time NASCAR Cup Series runner-up Mark Martin, 48, surprised reporters at a post-race press conference by saying he...
Paul Pierce Out For Season With Suspicious-Sounding Cough
BOSTON—As the second half of the NBA season began with the Boston Celtics mired in an apparently hopeless NBA-worst 13-38 season, All-Star...
Flip Saunders' Riveting Speech After All-Star Game Fails To Keep Team Together
LAS VEGAS—Despite an impassioned 20-minute post-game speech by Eastern Conference coach Flip Saunders last Sunday about commitment to team...
Shocking Revelations From The World Of Sports
The sports world is still reeling from former NBA player John Amaechi's decision to come out in his memoir Man In The Middle, but ...
7,000 Iraqis U.S. Bound
The United States has agreed to admit 7,000 Iraqi refugees into the country. What do you think?
FDA Approves Laser Comb
The HairMax Lasercomb, a comb that purportedly promotes hair growth, was recently approved by the Food and Drug Administration. What do you...
XM, Sirius To Merge
XM Satellite Radio Holdings Inc. and Sirius Satellite Radio announced a plan to merge the two companies. What do you think?
Bush Likens Terror War To U.S. Independence
In a speech at Mount Vernon, President Bush likened the war on terror to the Revolutionary War. What do you think?
202 Chemicals Linked To ADHD, Autism
Researchers have identified 202 industrial chemicals and compounds that may be linked to the rise in autism and ADHD. What do you think?
Prince Harry Going To Iraq
Prince Harry, the son of Prince Charles and Lady Diana, third in line to the throne of England, is being deployed to Iraq. What do ...
