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America's Sweetheart Dumps U.S. For Some Douchebag

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Issue 4314

Potential New Cubs Owners

Now that the Tribune Co. is selling the fabled Cubs franchise, rumors of potential new owners are swirling throughout baseball. Onion Sports looks...

Christ Getting In Shape For Second Coming

HEAVEN—Since His birthday last Dec. 25, the Lamb of God has committed Himself to a demanding regimen of exercise and prophecy-fulfillment in preparation for the Second Coming.
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