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McCain To Send Self Back To Vietnamese POW Camp To Revitalize Campaign

• Unemployed Scientists Prove Dog Likes Beer

  ISSUE 43•16 | 04.18.07 | News

  NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ—After carefully scrutinizing the data and witnessing a replication of the experiment, researchers concluded the dog really liked beer. more»

  

• 'This American Life' Completes Documentation Of Liberal, Upper-Middle-Class Existence

  ISSUE 46•26 ISSUE 43•16 | 04.20.07 | News

  CHICAGO—Producers have documented every single existential crisis or self-congratulatory epiphany that has been or could be experienced by a left-leaning agnostic. more»

  

• Street Evangelist Saves 300 Souls From Enjoying Park

  ISSUE 43•16 | 04.21.07 | News

  SAN FRANSISCO—"All of you will burn in hellfire, so sayeth the Lord," said open-air preacher "Brother Sam" Hinson to a stroller-bound toddler and her picknicking parents. more»

  

• Study: You Have HPV

  ISSUE 43•16 | 04.16.07 | News in Brief

  ATLANTA—The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention released updated human papillomavirus infection rate statistics Tuesday, which... more»

• Only Jewish Kid In Class Asked To Talk About Holocaust Remembrance Day

  ISSUE 43•16 | 04.17.07 | News in Brief

  KIRKLAND, WA—In honor of Holocaust Remembrance Day, 11-year-old Bobby Schwartz, the only Jewish student in Mrs. Yost's fifth grade class,... more»

• Rhode Island Votes To Move 2008 Primary To Tomorrow

  ISSUE 44•01 ISSUE 43•16 | 04.18.07 | News in Brief

  PROVIDENCE, RI—The Rhode Island legislature has passed a law moving the state's presidential primary to tomorrow, forcing candidates from... more»

• Area Man Realizes He's Not The Cool Uncle

  ISSUE 47•47 ISSUE 43•16 | 04.19.07 | News in Brief

  BABBITT, MN—After watching his brother-in-law wow his nieces and nephews during a family reunion with his ability to dunk a basketball and... more»

• Love Letter Made Longer By Increasing Margins

  ISSUE 43•16 | 04.20.07 | News in Brief

  CRYSTAL BAY, NV—A half-page love letter written using Microsoft Word on Monday by Derek Glassburn, 19, to his girlfriend Amanda Tinker, 20,... more»

• Fighting Chinese Piracy

  ISSUE 43•16 | 04.18.07 | Infographic

  The United States recently filed several complaints with the World Trade Organization against the Chinese government for its failure to clamp... more»

  

• Your Horoscope

  ISSUE 43•16 | 04.18.07 | Horoscope

• Most Popular Tax Write-Offs By State

  ISSUE 43•16 | 04.18.07 | Statshot

  

• Aging God Fitted For Omni-Focals

  ISSUE 43•16 | 04.17.07 | Radio News

• Bomb-Sniffing Dog Gets 6-Cent Treat For Saving Los Angeles

  ISSUE 43•16 | 04.18.07 | Radio News

• Birthday Candles Puked Out

  ISSUE 43•16 | 04.19.07 | Radio News

• NASA To Crack Down On Practical Jokes

  ISSUE 43•16 | 04.20.07 | Radio News

• State Bird Reconsidered After Latest Wren Attack

  ISSUE 43•16 | 04.21.07 | Radio News

• Terry Gilliam Barbecue Plagued By Production Delays

  ISSUE 43•16 | 04.22.07 | Radio News

• Signature Dominates Sympathy Card

  ISSUE 43•16 | 04.17.07 | News in Photos

  

• Air Traffic Controller Likes Pattern He Has Going

  ISSUE 43•16 | 04.18.07 | News in Photos

  

• When I Die, I'm Going To Haunt The Fuck Out Of You People

  ISSUE 43•16 | 04.18.07 | Commentary

  As long as I can remember, my life has been a constant stream of insults, condescension, and humiliation at the hands of you people. Well, I'm... more»

• Just This Once, Let's Stay Up All Night And Do A Bunch Of Coke

  ISSUE 43•16 | 04.18.07 | Commentary

  Hey guys, listen up for a second. I know this might sound a little crazy, but hear me out. We've all been working really hard lately on the... more»

• April 16, 1912

  ISSUE 43•16 | 04.16.07 | History

  World's Largest Metaphor Hits Ice-Berg more»

  

• SalAkshmi Split

  ISSUE 43•16 | 04.20.07 | Sunday Magazine

  

• Editorial Cartoon - April 20, 2007

  ISSUE 43•16 | 04.20.07 | Editorial Cartoon

  

• NFL Draft In Chaos As Mel Kiper's Big Board Is Knocked Over

  ISSUE 43•16 | 04.19.07 | Sports News

  BRISTOL, CT—NFL officials and ESPN executives made an emergency announcement Tuesday stating that the 2007 NFL Player Draft may have to be postponed indefinitely, as draft guru Mel Kiper Jr.'s Big Board, the index-card-laden bulletin board... more»

  

• Albert Pujols Can't Bring Self To Hit Against Ex-Teammate Jeff Suppan

  ISSUE 43•16 | 04.19.07 | Sports News in Brief

  ST. LOUIS— Saying that he was "too overwhelmed" with memories of their 2006 World Series run, Albert Pujols couldn't bring himself to do... more»

• Tim Duncan's Sincere Apology Confuses Referee Enough To Eject Him From Game

  ISSUE 43•16 | 04.19.07 | Sports News in Brief

  DALLAS—Baffled by Tim Duncan's unexpected sincerity in apologizing following a technical foul, NBA official Joey Crawford responded by... more»

• Tim Duncan's Sincere Apology Confuses Referee Enough To Eject Him From Game

  ISSUE 43•16 | 04.19.07 | Sports News in Brief

  DALLAS—Baffled by Tim Duncan's unexpected sincerity in apologizing following a technical foul, NBA official Joey Crawford responded by... more»

• ESPN Interrupts Drew Bledsoe's Retirement Speech To Air Commercials

  ISSUE 43•16 | 04.19.07 | Sports News in Brief

  DALLAS— Though ESPN intended to broadcast Drew Bledsoe's entire retirement speech last Wednesday, the sports network cut away from the... more»

• Brady Quinn: 'I'm Going To Be A Bust'

  ISSUE 43•52 ISSUE 43•16 | 04.19.07 | Sports News in Brief

  DUBLIN, OH—Top draft prospect Brady Quinn, a strong-armed quarterback out of Notre Dame who is expected to be taken with one of the first... more»

  

• Biggest Busts In The History Of The NFL Draft

  ISSUE 43•52 ISSUE 43•16 | 04.19.07 | Sportsgraphic

  For every draft selection that goes on to be a hero for his team, 10 more fade into obscurity. Still others achieve infamy through overhype and... more»

  

• MLB Offers Collectible Baseball Signed By Every Player In League

  ISSUE 43•16 | 04.19.07 | Photo Finish

  

• In The Know: The U.S. Moat

  ISSUE 43•16 | 04.17.07 | In The Know

  Panelists discuss the need to protect America's borders with a moat. more»

  

• Taxpayer Information At Risk

  ISSUE 43•16 | 04.16.07 | American Voices

  A recent government report concluded that the IRS has not adequately protected the data on 52,000 IRS laptops. What do you think? more»

• al-Sadr Leaves Iraqi Government

  ISSUE 43•16 | 04.17.07 | American Voices

  Radical Shiite cleric and militia leader Moqtada al-Sadr announced that he is withdrawing six of his ministers from the Iraqi cabinet. What do... more»

• Richard Gere Angers India

  ISSUE 43•16 | 04.18.07 | American Voices

  Protesters in India burned Richard Gere's image in effigy after the actor repeatedly kissed a Bollywood actress at an AIDS awareness rally. What do... more»

• FDA Rarely Inspects Imported Food

  ISSUE 43•16 | 04.19.07 | American Voices

  Despite routinely being rejected as unfit for human consumption, only 1.3 percent of imported fish, vegetables, fruit, and other foods are inspected... more»

• 'Partial-Birth Abortion' Ban Upheld

  ISSUE 43•16 | 04.20.07 | American Voices

  The Supreme Court upheld a 2003 Congressional ban on intact dilation and evacuation of a fetus. What do you think? more»

• Britney Loses Custody Of Children

  ISSUE 43•16 | 10.03.07 | American Voices

  A judge ruled Monday that Britney Spears must surrender custody of her two sons to ex-husband Kevin Federline because of her alleged substance abuse.... more»

• Canines

  ISSUE 43•16 | 04.17.07 | Slideshow

  

• very_sunny

  Too hot to wear fat suit

• Nanny Subs For Wife At Couples Counseling

• Taco Bell Diner Shrugs, Eats Finger In Taco

• LINCOLN, NE—By the time he was finished having his girlfriend's name indelibly inked onto his right upper arm, Michael Groen had fallen hopelessly in love with his tattoo artist.

• VERO BEACH, FL—Rather than expend the effort necessary to recall all twelve of his grandchildrens' names, area senior Eugene Ralph has settled upon calling each of them "Bucko."

• HACKENSACK, NJ—Upon hearing the subsequent track on Hot 97 FM, Chrissy Evers revised her claim that the previous song was "her jam."

• Gap (GPS)

  The clothing retailer has experienced something of a resurgence on Wall Street as Americans begin to catch on to the look and feel of a tan cotton casual pant.