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After 5 Years In U.S., Terrorist Cell Too Complacent To Carry Out Attack

• Addressing Climate Crisis, Bush Calls For Development Of National Air Conditioner

  ISSUE 43•25 | 06.20.07 | News

  WASHINGTON, DC—"We must act now so that our children's children can live in a world without sweat," said president Bush, justifying the project's $100 trillion price tag. more»

  

• Bar Skanks Announce Plans To Kiss

  ISSUE 43•25 | 06.22.07 | News

  COLUMBUS, OH—The skanks would neither confirm nor deny that the kiss would involve tongue, forcing many bargoers to wait and continuously eye the suggestive pair. more»

  

• Shitty Neighborhood Rallies Against Asshole Developer

  ISSUE 43•25 | 06.23.07 | News

  CHICAGO, IL—Many of those who live in the hopeless pit of a neighborhood say they are hesitant to allow the prick developer to dump a concrete-and-glass yuppie turd on it. more»

  

• Half Of Nation Outraged At New, Not-Yet-Released Michael Moore Film

  ISSUE 43•25 | 06.18.07 | News in Brief

  WASHINGTON, DC—Though the film isn't scheduled for release until June 29, a New York Times/CBS News poll found that nearly half the... more»

• Barack Obama 'Tiger Beat' Cover Clinches Slumber Party Vote

  ISSUE 43•25 | 06.19.07 | News in Brief

  WASHINGTON—According to a poll released Monday by Teen Zogby!, both Barack Obama's approval and dreaminess ratings... more»

  

• Open-Minded Music Lover Likes All Kinds Of Metal

  ISSUE 43•25 | 06.20.07 | News in Brief

  LOGANSPORT, IN—Area music enthusiast Curt Webber, 22, is completely open to enjoying "all kinds" of metal, the self-described eclectic iconoclast said Monday. more»

• Cult Leader Pretty Cool, Actually

  ISSUE 43•25 | 06.22.07 | News in Brief

  SANTA MONICA, CA—Despite accusations that Joshua Wyden is the dangerous and manipulative leader of a cult known as The Watchful Eye, a... more»

• Guy With Kids To Have More Kids

  ISSUE 43•25 | 06.23.07 | News in Brief

  DAYTON, OH—Thirty-five-year-old guy Greg Hill, who already has a few kids, announced yesterday his intention to have more kids.... more»

• Apple's New iPhone

  ISSUE 43•25 | 06.20.07 | Infographic

  Apple is set to release the much-hyped iPhone Friday, June 29. Here are some of its most highly anticipated features: more»

  

• Your Horoscope

  ISSUE 43•25 | 06.19.07 | Horoscope

• Where Are We Summering?

  ISSUE 43•25 | 06.20.07 | Statshot

  

• Sexy Alien Does Not Understand This Thing Earthlings Call 'Love'

  ISSUE 43•25 | 06.19.07 | Radio News

• Water-Balloon Attacks Hurting Lemonade Stand's Bottom Line

  ISSUE 43•25 | 06.20.07 | Radio News

• U.N. Report Says Iran Now Capable Of Launching Nuclear Reactor

  ISSUE 43•25 | 06.21.07 | Radio News

• GEICO Saves 15 Percent Or More By Discontinuing Advertising

  ISSUE 43•25 | 06.23.07 | Radio News

• Awkward Tension Mistaken For Sexual Tension

  ISSUE 43•25 | 06.24.07 | Radio News

• 'Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah' To Be Adapted Into Major Motion Picture

  ISSUE 43•25 | 06.25.07 | Radio News

• Bob Barker Era Ushered Out With Touching Plinko Montage

  ISSUE 43•25 | 06.19.07 | News in Photos

  

• Lost Gondolier In Middle Of Adriatic Sea

  ISSUE 43•25 | 06.20.07 | News in Photos

  

• Is This The Mattress Showroom From The Commercial?

  ISSUE 43•25 | 06.20.07 | Commentary

  Someone pinch me. Harder! Am I mistaken, or is this the mattress showroom made famous on all those TV commercials? If I stand right here and I... more»

• June 23, 1939

  ISSUE 43•25 | 06.22.07 | History

  1939 World's Fair Portends Ghastly Future more»

  

• America's Astronauts: Who Will Be The Next To Die?

  ISSUE 43•25 | 06.22.07 | Sunday Magazine

  

• Point/Counterpoint: We Have A Unique Opportunity To Change The World

  ISSUE 43•25 | 06.20.07 | Point/Counterpoint

  When I sat down to write this speech, I thought a lot about what I had learned over the past four years. On the first day of classes, we were 106... more»

• Pac-Man Jones: 'I Will Be Nowhere Near Next Friday's Strip-Club Stabbing'

  ISSUE 43•52 ISSUE 43•25 | 06.21.07 | Sports News

  LOS ANGELES—Suspended Tennessee Titans cornerback Adam "Pac-Man" Jones called a press conference Tuesday in order to emphasize that he will be nowhere near a possibly fatal stabbing that will occur during a fight involving several members... more»

  

• Gene Upshaw Hires Former Football Players To Rough Each Other Up

  ISSUE 43•25 | 06.21.07 | Sports News in Brief

  NEW YORK—Frustrated with trying to fulfill the needs of both the NFL Players' Association and retired players claiming they have been... more»

• Tim Duncan Delivers Heartfelt Speech On Fiscal Responsibility During Spurs Victory Celebration

  ISSUE 43•52 ISSUE 43•25 | 06.21.07 | Sports News in Brief

  SAN ANTONIO—Following a Spurs Sunday victory parade during which Tim Duncan regaled the crowd with uncharacteristically exuberant... more»

• Report: Another Baseball Team Almost Does Something As Interesting As Yankees, Red Sox

  ISSUE 43•25 | 06.21.07 | Sports News in Brief

  NOT BOSTON OR NEW YORK—Something nearly worth reporting occurred either Saturday or Sunday—although no written records of the event... more»

• Tiger Woods Continues Hitting Bucket Of Balls After Hearing Wife Has Gone Into Labor

  ISSUE 43•25 | 06.21.07 | Sports News in Brief

  ORLANDO—According to his personal caddy Steve Williams, after Tiger Woods was informed that his wife had gone into labor with their first... more»

  

• Highlights Of The 2007 U.S. Open

  ISSUE 43•25 | 06.21.07 | Sportsgraphic

  With the power invested in him as honorary tournament chairman, Arnold Palmer declares himself the winner of the 2007 U.S. Open more»

  

• Prince Fielder Dies Of Inside-The-Park Home Run

  ISSUE 43•52 ISSUE 43•25 | 06.21.07 | Photo Finish

  

• In The Know: Kim Jong-Il's Approval Rating Plummets to 120%

  ISSUE 43•25 | 06.21.07 | In The Know

  Panelists discuss the political repercussions of a new poll showing Kim Jong-Il's approval rating at an all time low of 120%. more»

  

• Liechtenstein Successfully Tests Teeny Tiny Nuclear Bomb

  ISSUE 43•25 | 06.18.07 | Newsroom

  In violation of non-proliferation agreements, the little nation has developed an itsy bitsy arsenal of destruction. more»

  

• New Mexico Bans Cockfighting

  ISSUE 43•25 | 06.19.07 | American Voices

  New Mexico banned cockfighting last week, making Louisiana the only state where it remains legal. What do you think? more»

• Couple In Fed Standoff

  ISSUE 43•25 | 06.20.07 | American Voices

  Claiming that there is no law requiring them to pay taxes, well-armed New Hampshire couple Ed and Elaine Brown have vowed to die rather than... more»

• U.S. Lifts Embargo Against Palestine

  ISSUE 43•25 | 06.21.07 | American Voices

  The United States lifted sanctions against Palestine, and will resume sending aid to the country. What do you think? more»

• White House Used Third Party Email

  ISSUE 43•25 | 06.22.07 | American Voices

  According to a report by the oversight committee, at least 88 White House staffers used outside e-mail accounts for official business, thus... more»

• Gun Crime

  ISSUE 43•25 | 06.19.07 | Slideshow

  

• Upper Hand Gained, Lost During Course Of Sentence

• Water-Skier Takes Break From Holding Onto Crossbar To Greet Those Not Currently Water-Skiing

• The Kroger Co. (KR)

  Stock prices rallied when this retail grocery chain announced higher-than-expected quarterly profits after the retraction of Octuple-Coupon Wednesdays.

  

• SIOUX CITY, IA—Local business administrator Allan Phelan snuck into his son’s room, smoked a clove cigarette he found there, and got turned on to Widespread Panic.

• ROCHESTER, NY—Registered sex offenders Jonathan Wilcox and William Knepshield unwittingly chose the same day and the same route to personally inform the residents of Rochester's 19th ward neighborhood of their respective statuses.

• BOTHELL, WA—City officials temporarily closed off Lover's Lane this week after several teenagers were caught having sex all wrong.