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Texans Elect Gun

• Chinese Authorities Execute 10 Million Recalled Toys

  ISSUE 43•39 | 09.24.07 | News

  BEIJING—So far, 9 to 10 million faulty toys have been kicked, shocked, hanged, pounded with nails, had their ears severed and eyes gouged out, and then shot. more»

  

• Bush Makes Surprise Visit To Work

  ISSUE 43•39 | 09.26.07 | News

  WASHINGTON, DC— Dressed in a special suit-and-tie uniform, Bush entered the East Room at about 3:30 p.m. and greeted an enthusiastic crowd of staff members. more»

  

• Scientists Ask Congress To Fund $50 Billion Science Thing

  ISSUE 46•52 ISSUE 43•39 | 09.28.07 | News

  WASHINGTON, DC— "I agree we need this scientific apparatus, because, in the end, science is more important than it is unimportant," Rep. Bart Gordon (D-TN) said. more»

  

• New Fig Newtons Ad Preys On Inherent Human Weakness

  ISSUE 43•39 | 09.29.07 | News

  NEW YORK—"Flattery, pride, self-aggrandizement, fear of rejection: This latest Fig Newtons ad campaign hits on all cylinders," a delighted advertising executive said. more»

  

• New Wes Anderson Film Features Deadpan Delivery, Meticulous Art Direction, Characters With Father Issues

  ISSUE 43•39 | 09.24.07 | News in Brief

  LOS ANGELES—Fans who attended a sneak preview Monday of critically acclaimed director Wes Anderson's newest project, The Darjeeling... more»

• Guy At Bar Had Similar Experience, But Better

  ISSUE 43•39 | 09.25.07 | News in Brief

  KENT, OH—A story narrated to a group of friends Friday night was almost immediately overshadowed by an anecdote from 28-year-old John Kiley,... more»

• Google Launches 'The Google' For Older Adults

  ISSUE 46•52 ISSUE 45•01 ISSUE 43•39 | 09.26.07 | News in Brief

  MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—The popular search engine Google announced plans Friday to launch a new site, TheGoogle.com, to appeal to older adults not... more»

• Every Bill Reminds Congressman Of Ex-Wife

  ISSUE 43•39 | 09.27.07 | News in Brief

  WASHINGTON, DC—Ever since his divorce from his wife of 22 years became final in June, Rep. Chuck Brunet (R-NC) sees "Mary's face in every... more»

• Class Clown Has Nothing On Wilmot Proviso

  ISSUE 43•39 | 09.28.07 | News in Brief

  KENNESAW, GA—During his American history class at Hebron Elementary School Wednesday, fifth-grader Jake Hensley was unable to produce a... more»

• Dollar Weakest In 31 Years

  ISSUE 43•39 | 09.26.07 | Infographic

  For the first time since 1976, the Canadian dollar has achieved parity with the American dollar. What are the factors behind the slide of American... more»

  

• Your Horoscope

  ISSUE 43•39 | 09.25.07 | Horoscope

• What's Our Evacuation Plan?

  ISSUE 43•39 | 09.26.07 | Statshot

  

• Britney Spears Leaves Mysterious Stain On The Red Carpet

  ISSUE 43•39 | 09.25.07 | Radio News

• 2008 Hamas Calendar Features Photos Of Stuff They've Blown Up

  ISSUE 43•39 | 09.26.07 | Radio News

• Shipwrecked Carnival Cruise Passengers Abandon Maritime Buffet Rules

  ISSUE 43•39 | 09.27.07 | Radio News

• Guy At Bank Has Weird Hair For Guy Who Works At Bank

  ISSUE 43•39 | 09.29.07 | Radio News

• Spokeswoman Gives Birth To Spokeschild

  ISSUE 43•39 | 09.30.07 | Radio News

• Lazy Scientist Leaves Sink Full Of Dirty Molecules

  ISSUE 43•39 | 10.01.07 | Radio News

• Pants Attempt To Convey What Owner Can't

  ISSUE 43•39 | 09.25.07 | News in Photos

  

• Japanese Prime Minister Resigns To Seek Revenge On Man Who Killed His Family

  ISSUE 43•39 | 09.26.07 | News in Photos

  

• I'm In An Open Relationship With The Lord

  ISSUE 43•39 | 09.26.07 | Commentary

  With Jesus as my personal Savior, I felt like I had it all. But then we hit a rough patch, and before long, I was beginning to question both my... more»

• No Police Report Can Truly Capture My Love Of Drunk Driving

  ISSUE 43•39 | 09.26.07 | Commentary

  If you were to go by the public records alone, you'd get the wrong impression of me. You'd think that I was some kind of common lawbreaker who's... more»

• Sept. 28, 1964

  ISSUE 43•39 | 09.28.07 | History

  Malcolm X: 'I Also Have a Dream' more»

  

• Can China Host The Olympics Without Murdering Thousands?

  ISSUE 43•39 | 09.28.07 | Sunday Magazine

  

• Editorial Cartoon - September 24, 2007

  ISSUE 43•39 | 09.24.07 | Editorial Cartoon

  

• Over-Optimistic NFL Doctor Says Injured Bills Player Kevin Everett Will Fly Out Of Hospital

  ISSUE 43•52 ISSUE 43•39 | 09.27.07 | Sports News

  HOUSTON—Less than a month after Buffalo Bills tight end Kevin Everett suffered a life-threatening dislocation and fracture of his cervical spine that was predicted to leave him with permanent neurological damage, enthusiastic National... more»

  

• NHL Giving It Another Try Despite Advice Of Friends, Family

  ISSUE 43•39 | 09.27.07 | Sports News in Brief

  NEW YORK—Despite hints, suggestions, and outright pleas from its friends and family members to "stop embarrassing [themselves]," National... more»

• Tearful Rex Grossman: 'I Was Intercepted A Lot As A Child'

  ISSUE 43•39 | 09.27.07 | Sports News in Brief

  CHICAGO—Bears quarterback Rex Grossman, responding to being benched following his three-interception performance in a loss to the Dallas... more»

  

• New York Giants Locker Room Somber After Embarrassing Win

  ISSUE 43•39 | 09.27.07 | Sports News in Brief

  WASHINGTON, DC—Mere moments after their gutsy and much-needed last-minute win over the Redskins Sunday, Giants players and coaches found... more»

  

• Magglio Ordonez, Placido Polanco Stay Up All Night Talking About Favorite Hitting Situations

  ISSUE 43•39 | 09.27.07 | Sports News in Brief

  DETROIT—Following their game against the Twins Tuesday, Tigers outfielder Magglio Ordonez and second baseman Placido Polanco stayed in their... more»

  

• Donovan McNabb Has Perfect Game For A Black Quarterback

  ISSUE 43•39 | 09.27.07 | Sports News in Brief

  PHILADELPHIA—With 381 yards passing, four touchdowns, and a perfect passer rating of 158.3, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb... more»

  

• Unusual Sports Injuries

  ISSUE 43•39 | 09.27.07 | Sportsgraphic

  In light of the knee injury Padres outfielder Milton Bradley suffered while arguing with an umpire, Onion Sports presents a catalog of some of the... more»

  

• LaDainian Tomlinson

  ISSUE 43•39 | 09.27.07 | Strongside/Weakside

  Tomlinson might be today's best running back, but he's not without his flaws. more»

  

• Windup-Less Pitcher Giving Batter Fits

  ISSUE 43•39 | 09.27.07 | Photo Finish

  

• In The Know: Situation In Nigeria Seems Pretty Complex

  ISSUE 43•39 | 09.27.07 | In The Know

  Panelists discuss the complicated issues facing Nigeria or Niger. more»

  

• African-American Boycott of L.L. Bean Enters 80th Year

  ISSUE 43•39 | 09.25.07 | Newsroom

  The CEO of L.L. Bean pleads with black leaders to forgive his company for whatever it's done to cause this decades-long boycott. more»

  

• Country Music Stars Challenge Al-Qaeda With Patriotic New Song ‘Bomb New York’

  ISSUE 43•39 | 10.01.07 | Newsroom

  A group of country music's biggest stars have a message for terrorists: you can't hurt America by blowing up New York City. Listen to Song Download Song more»

  

• Marcel Marceau Dead

  ISSUE 43•39 | 09.25.07 | American Voices

  Famed French mime Marcel Marceau is dead at 84. What do you think? more»

• Steroid Bust Nets 124

  ISSUE 43•39 | 09.26.07 | American Voices

  The DEA participated in an international steroid sweep that resulted in the arrest of 124 people, as well as the seizure of 11.4 million doses of... more»

• Starbucks Music Giveaway

  ISSUE 43•39 | 09.27.07 | American Voices

  Starbucks announced that they would be giving away 1.5 million songs a day for one month to promote their music arm and iTunes deal. What do... more»

• Utah Polygamist Convicted

  ISSUE 43•39 | 09.28.07 | American Voices

  Warren Jeffs, the leader of a polygamous Mormon splinter group, was found guilty of being an accomplice to rape for marrying a 14-year-old girl to a... more»

• darkcloud

  Start piling sandbags. Trust us.

• Hershey Food Corp. (HSY)

  Shares of the candy giant climbed amid rumors that Halloween was being moved to late-September.

  

• The 2007 Cubs reenact the 1908 World Series. Starring Derrek Lee as Frank Chance.

  

• Home Phone Hasn't Rung In 3 Years

• Entire GameStop Staff Summoned To Compliment Customer's T-Shirt

• We Should Hang Out Soon,' Reports Man You Won't See For 5 Months

• VALENTINE, ME—Althought most of the doughnuts did not arrive in Monday's scheduled delivery, Dunkin Donuts employee Jason Porter had no problem selling out of the bags of cream filling.

• HILTON HEAD, SC—The supplies Bruce Thorpe had carefully assembled for his hurricane survival kit were quickly depleted when he hosted a pre-hurricane party.

• OKLAHOMA CITY—Marching band practice ended in tragedy as the cool kids drove by and made fun.