adBlockCheck

Issue 4341

Piping-Hot Calzone Missing

WEST ORANGE, NJ—"It was right here a second ago," said the owner of the sizzling Italian sandwich, which was last seen in the office break room at approximately 1 p.m.

Blues At Blackhawks

Onion Sports analyzes this early-season meeting between what are presumably two NHL teams.

Patriots Stunned By Mere 17-Point Victory

BOSTON—The Patriots organization is reeling this week following their narrow 34-17 victory over the lowly Browns, taking stock of their game-planning methods, philosophy, and indeed their entire season in the aftermath of a game in which...
End Of Section
  • More News

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close