WASHINGTON, DC­—Myers spent much of his reign, which lasted from approximately 2:00 p.m. to 2:15 p.m., spinning in circles in ...

NEW YORK—The organization has compiled schmuck-related data revealing that, in 2006, the word was spoken a mere 28 times—17 of these by Brooks ...

YOUNGSTOWN, OH—"I normally have some Earl Grey in the morning," said Baumer, referring to the tea named after a guy who ran around England ...

WASHINGTON, DC—In testimony before Congress Tuesday, beleaguered Postmaster General John E. Potter stated that last month's nationwide...

WASHINGTON, DC—Political scientists at the Cato Institute announced Monday that they have inadvertently synthesized a previously theoretical...

SIOUX CITY, IA—Patrons of the Clover Leaf Tavern expressed dismay Saturday after a fight between Jeffrey Kline, 32, and James Dougherty, 30,...

CARBONDALE, PA—According to area bargain hunters, the majority of the dusty, cobweb-covered items at local resident Kelly Moore's garage...

PROVIDENCE, RI—The third-person limited omniscient voice, a narrative mode used to convey a story through the thoughts and senses of a...

The banking industry is being hit hard by the subprime loan collapse. Bank of America laid off 3,000 workers and Merrill Lynch posted its ...

DENVER—Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez found a way to inject some excitement into baseball and make the slow month of October interesting last Sunday ...

CHICAGO—Bears team officials announced Tuesday that middle linebacker Brian Urlacher, who has been largely ineffective in Chicago's recent...

CLEVELAND—Paul Byrd is currently lying prostrate on his living room couch in the dark, surrounded by a stack of empty beer cans and watching...

DENVER—The Boston Red Sox completed their 2007 Major League Baseball schedule Sunday with a win over the Rockies—the one formality...

Frustrated by the ineffectiveness of head coach Mike Nolan, the 49ers organization announced Monday that backup coach Tom Gorzynski, a journeyman the...

DENVER—Days after the Boston Red Sox completed their four-game sweep to win the 2007 World Series, Colorado Rockies players dressed in full...

As the new NBA season opens, Onion Sports analysts take a look at the league's trends and tendencies in an attempt to predict the ...

What the NFL's two undefeated teams must do to stay that way.

A Colorado-based Christian charity is providing aid for any and all heterosexual Africans in need.

Modesto, CA residents turned out for the city's annual Ninja Parade, where no ninjas were seen for the 30th year in a row.

The manufacturer of the home-vacuuming robot Roomba unveiled a military robot that can be fitted with guns and carry up to 500 pounds. What do...

Clothing retailer The Gap Inc. was forced to disavow a factory in India that was revealed to have been employing young children to make Gap ...

The State Department has said that it may force Foreign Service staff to serve in the U.S. embassy in Baghdad if they do not ...

Uruguay has become the first country to order the famed "$100" laptops, with a contract to buy 100,000 of the devices for the country ...

Nine years after his eponymous television show went off the air, Jerry Seinfeld is making a splash with his new film Bee Movie. What do...