WASHINGTON, DC—Autumn, which had been slotted between summer and winter, will be replaced by stifling humidity, constant sunshine, and little precipitation.

HARRISONBURG, VA—"We're doing all we can," said Lt. Barnes, who coordinated efforts to replace the retarded hand-me-down parka that once belonged to the ...

OTSEGO, MI—Like many women who simply want the chance to kill as many victims as possible before being caught, Huxley has faced fierce resistance ...

JOHNSTOWN, PA—Though friend Chris Brey, 31, and friend-of-friend Bill Scafuri, 33, did not immediately form a close friendship following...

WASHINGTON, DC—While speaking to a group of White House reporters, President Bush fended off questions about the weak state of the dollar,...

NEW YORK—Children's author R.L. Stine broke his long-held media silence Monday to announce that Slappy, the evil ventriloquist's dummy from...

LONDON—The nightly Ten O'Clock News program on Great Britain's BBC One channel upgraded a minor flap in Parliament's House of Lords ...

In the latest debate, Democratic presidential candidates singled out Hillary Clinton as a subject for criticism. Here are some of their...

John F. Kennedy's Dad Defeats Nixon

I've always been a fan of felines. As far as pets go, you can't beat them! I have three myself, and I couldn ...

PHILADELPHIA—Eagles head coach Andy Reid addressed his recent family turmoil in a press conference today, responding to allegations that he had neglected his paternal ...

SOUTH BEND, IN—A mere 1-8 following their 46-44 triple-overtime loss to Navy, their first to the service academy since 1963, the Fighting...

DETROIT—Following their 44-7 victory over the Denver Broncos Sunday, players, coaches, and staff of the 6-2 Detroit Lions football team...

NEW YORK—In a two-page, 500-word report released Monday, Yankees GM Brian Cashman compared the destructive force of Alex Rodriguez's greed...

LOS ANGELES—With an easy smile and an elegant stroke of his Mont Blanc fountain pen, newly hired Los Angeles Dodgers manager and beacon of...

FORT WORTH—Hendrick Motorsports driver Jimmie Johnson, who took the points lead in the NEXTEL Cup championship with his win in the Dickies...

Upon reaching the midpoint of the 2007 NFL season, Onion Sports lists the notable moments, achievements, and situations in pro football thus...

This week's Strongside/Weakside Classic explores the wonder that was Julius Erving.

Onion News Network anchor Brandon Armstrong argues passionately for the existence of flying cars.

In this Onion News Network special feature, our soldiers stationed abroad remind us there's still a war going on.

A professional wrestling "fan" has written a shocking new book that claims wrestling fans are actually paid actors.

You'll think you're still dreaming.

By Army Corps of Engineers estimates, the city of Atlanta could run out of water in about 100 days. What do you think?

Several French aid workers are charged with trying to smuggle 103 children they claimed were orphans from Darfur, but in reality were children with...

A rare new Trojan horse that targets Mac users and takes over their computers has been found on pornographic websites. What do you think?

A resolution to impeach Vice President Dick Cheney was sent to the House Judiciary Committee for review. What do you think?

Televangelist Pat Robertson has endorsed former New York City mayor Rudy Giuliani as Republican presidential candidate despite Giuliani's...

For the first time in Bush's seven-year presidency, the Senate overrode a veto, for a water resources bill that would preserve wetlands. What do...