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Issue 4348

Lone Gunman Envied By Married Gunman

LOS ANGELES—"Running around firing indiscriminately into a crowd—now that's someone who doesn't have to wake up and go furniture shopping tomorrow," said Henderson.

Bill Belichick

The formidable Patriots coach comes under the scrutineering eye of Onion Sports.

Notable Sports Contracts

With Alex Rodriguez once again making headlines with a new contract, Onion Sports looks at the long and fascinating history of the intersection of...

I Was Too Gone To Go To Work

Hola, amigos. I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but I been trying to keep myself dry in the shitstorm, you know? First of all, I...

FCC Eyeing Cable Regulation

The Federal Communications Commission will vote on placing a number of restrictions and regulations on the unregulated cable industry. Here are...
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