The Afterlife

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Issue 4406

Patriots' Season Perfect For Rest Of Nation

FOXBOROUGH, MA—As the once-invincible, still-insufferable Patriots attempt to come to grips with their 17-14 Super Bowl loss to the Giants, the death of their dream to go undefeated, and the possible end of their dynasty, almost every other...

NBA, NHL Seasons Begin

NEW YORK—In what sports fans across the nation are calling uncannily perfect timing, both the National Basketball Association and the National...

The Pro Bowl

Every year the best players in football get together in Hawaii for reasons that remain unclear.

Puppy Bowl Highlights

Onion Sports looks back at the best-ever moments from Super Sunday's other big event throughout the years:

This Time To Be Different

LAREDO, TX—This time—unlike the time you moved in with the alcoholic chick from New Jersey, the time you and your buddy stole those tires...

Seriously, Cleveland, How Are You?

Hello again, Cleveland! It's me, Bob Seger. You may recall me from the rock-and-roll concert last night. First off, let me say that it was such an...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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