The Afterlife

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Issue 4406

Patriots' Season Perfect For Rest Of Nation

FOXBOROUGH, MA—As the once-invincible, still-insufferable Patriots attempt to come to grips with their 17-14 Super Bowl loss to the Giants, the death of their dream to go undefeated, and the possible end of their dynasty, almost every other...

NBA, NHL Seasons Begin

NEW YORK—In what sports fans across the nation are calling uncannily perfect timing, both the National Basketball Association and the National...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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The Afterlife

Don Knotts, Richard Pryor Team Up For Madcap Haunting
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Mother Teresa Sent To Hell In Wacky Afterlife Mix-Up
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Family Unsure What To Do With Dead Hipster's Possessions
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Specters Of Dental Hygienists Past Haunt Convention Center
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Suburban Home Haunted By Really Boring Ghosts
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Heaven Less Opulent Than Vatican, Reports Disappointed Pope
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Ghost Of Christmas Future Taunts Children With Visions Of PlayStation 5
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Various Deities Still Sorting Through Victims Of Tragic Queens Bus Accident
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Suicide Letter Full Of Simpsons References
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Egyptian Conservationists Fight To Protect Dwindling Mummy Population
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