MAPLEWOOD, MO—"It is beginning to appear that any long-term solution may have to involve deployment of the disciplinary squirt bottle," said one U.N ...

TOKYO, HONG KONG, SEOUL—"Our worst monthly drop; rate cuts make investors flee—to commodities," Nikkei index vice commissioner Fukako Mishima said in haiku last ...

CEDAR RAPIDS, IA—"I just want to thank the Ledger family for giving me this opportunity," Blake Yardley said. "I'm sure they knew of ...

BOSTON—In an address made to the rock-and-roll community Tuesday, the nation's children aged 5 to 14 announced their intention to opt out of...

NEW YORK—Sources at the NuVista advertising agency have confirmed only moments ago that the ongoing conference call with headquarters in...

NORTH ANDOVER, MA—Sources at NuVista advertising agency's North Andover headquarters announced moments ago that they want nothing more than a...

WASHINGTON—The U.S. Navy announced Monday that field tests of a cool new "ping" sound, a $3 billion project in development since the Cold ...

DALLAS—According to a study published Monday by the American Heart Association, people who frequently start sentences with the phrase "don't...

Conservative pundits Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, and Ann Coulter have spoken out against Republican presidential candidate John McCain, with...

TEMPE, AZ—Claiming he was initially excited at the prospect of playing for a legitimate championship contender, new Phoenix Suns center Shaquille O'Neal admitted ...

FORT LAUDERDALE, FL—PGA players and officials took advantage of Tiger Woods' decision to spend the weekend out of town by promptly organizing a...

MINNEAPOLIS—Rob Brittson, a Twin Cities sportswriter assigned to the Timberwolves beat, has had his stock of defeat-oriented phrases almost...

LOS ANGELES—Lakers head coach Phil Jackson, evidently incensed over new acquisition Pau Gasol's inability to quickly grasp either Jackson's...

WASHINGTON, DC—A week after facing accusations of injecting human-growth hormone in 2003, Roger Clemens' wife Debbie has come under increased...

BRISTOL, CT—In what he has confessed was "probably the gutsiest move of [his] career," ESPN.com sportswriter Marc Stein bumped the Los Angeles...

Stock car racing's growth has slowed almost to a halt in recent years, which in turn has forced NASCAR management to go up-market in ...

The Mets' newest, richest pitcher has reported to spring training. Is he all he's cracked up to be?

Websites like Match.com allow sad, lonely women all over the country to invite pain and rejection into their lives with just a few clicks ...

Today Now! host Jim Haggerty consoles a severely depressed zoologist on the latest Critter Corner installment.

In what is seen as a sign of the declining dollar, many New York City stores have begun accepting euros. What do you think?

Sen. Hillary Clinton replaced her campaign manager, Patti Solis Doyle, after Barack Obama claimed victory in Maine this weekend. What do you...

Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez has threatened to stop sending oil to the United States, citing Washington’s role in aiding Exxon Mobil with a...

The state of Florida is dissuading sex offenders from continuing to live under a bridge, despite their claims that existing ordinances prevent them...

Australian prime minister Kevin Rudd delivered a speech in Parliament in which he apologized to the country’s indigenous people for past wrongs....