WASHINGTON—Signs for the lane will feature the icon of a swerving 1988 Mercury Grand Marquis with a mattress tied to the top by a ...

MONTGOMERY, TX—"I love what I do," said the elderly cartoonist, his body and mind crippled by an endless and repetitive stream of doodles featuring ...

LOS ANGELES—The economy has seen no adverse effects, as American consumers easily adjust to the sudden cessation of any bold new sprawling works of ...

NEW YORK—A man wearing a suit slammed the fleshy portion of his fist on a mahogany desk Monday in an attempt to further emphasize ...

ISLAMABAD—Eighty-seven people were killed and 114 wounded at an open-air market in Islamabad yesterday in one of the worst ruckuses to hit...

AUSTIN, TX—Actor Matthew McConaughey announced Tuesday that he has accepted a 6, maybe $7 million offer to star in Whatever. "I'm happy to ...

USS STENNIS, PERSIAN GULF—U.S. Iran War Czar Gen. Glenn Jacobs, the general director of the U.S. Center of the Invasion of

CEDAR RAPIDS, IA—Thirty-nine-year-old Dwayne Keener, whose marriage and job both recently ended, told reporters Monday that the Frito-Lay...

After 10 years, Meg Whitman will be stepping down as CEO of the online auction house eBay. Here are some highlights of her tenure at ...

Frenchy Steinetz is a syndicated columnist whose weekly advice column, "Ask A 1920s Baseball Fan," appears in more than 250 newspapers nationwide.

GREEN BAY, WI—The Green Bay Packers addressed questions concerning the current status, future plans, and whereabouts of recently retired quarterback Brett Favre by announcing ...

HOUSTON—Rockets players held a team press conference Tuesday to express their shock, confusion, and disgust at discovering shooting guard Tracy...

PEORIA, AZ—Padres pitcher Mark Prior informed teammates Monday that he just has to pop in to the hospital for "one quick sec" to have ...

LAS VEGAS—SportsCenter host Stuart Scott reportedly straightened his shirt collar, tugged twice on the lapels of his sport...

DURHAM, NC—Oh, man, totally the most exciting thing in the whole entire basketball world and maybe the whole universe ever, dude, happened on...

HAMPTON, GA—Shortly after engine failure forced him to take a 'Did Not Finish' at the Kobalt Tools 500 Sunday, disappointed but athletic NASCAR...

As Brett Favre begins his well-deserved retirement, Onion Sports takes a last fond look at the moments that made him the most beloved athlete in...

His talent made him great. His flaws, unfortunately, made him human.

Hospital officials hope to locate the good Samaritan that dropped off a sack of human organs in the middle of the night so they can ...

A congressional committee discussing Iraq War casualty levels approves of the tasty chips and salsa Rep. Benjamin Sinclair (R-OH) brought to the hearing.

After charging that college students were responsible for 44 percent of revenue losses due to illegal downloading of movies, the Motion Picture...

A former lawyer has named six Atlantic City casinos in a 20-million dollar lawsuit claiming that they did not prevent her from losing nearly one...

A test of the reservoir that supplies drinking water for New York city turned up traces of numerous drugs, including caffeine, hormones, and...

The Federal Reserve announced that they would be setting up a $200 billion program to assist struggling banks. What do you think?

After confessing to being involved in a prostitution ring, New York governor Eliott Spitzer resigned Wednesday. What do you think?