RALIEGH, NC—"There's got to be a rubber band around here somewhere," said market researcher Ron Meyer, who repeatedly shunned other poster-clasping methods.

CAPE CANAVERAL, FL—"I'm already a fixture around here, and I get along great with everybody," said the eager 20-year-old cultural anthropology major.

BATON ROUGE, LA—Veteran partier Adam Girard was seen pedaling down the street on a neighbor’s bicycle, yelling that he going swimming and that ...

NEW YORK—With the nation almost certainly headed toward a recession, a coalition of top financial analysts announced Monday that they would...

AMHERST, MA—After years of promising not to discuss work after hours but always failing, botanists at Hampshire College's Agricultural Studies...

PARMA, OH—In an unbelievably heartrending and entirely futile undertaking intended to recapture some infinitesimal shred of her faded beauty...

HOLLYWOOD, CA—Though he has only questioned 22 of the 100 people needed to complete his survey, veteran Family Feud pollster Rick...

WASHINGTON—In the midst of a crisis that may have reached a breaking, point Tuesday afternoon, linguists, and grammarians, everywhere say they...

It's been one year since the tragic killings at Virginia Tech, and campuses across the country have ramped up security to protect their...

NEW YORK—Ousted Knicks coach and president Isiah Thomas, who presided over the team during one of the least successful and most shameful periods in ...

NEW YORK—Football personnel analyst and perennial NFL Draft fixture Mel Kiper Jr. woke from a sound sleep Wednesday night with a start and a...

DALLAS—After eliminating the Anaheim Ducks in the first round of the NHL Playoffs Sunday, Dallas Stars coach Dave Tippett excited his players...

NEW YORK—Following the latest in a series of animated outbursts by Yankee co-chairman Hank Steinbrenner, a tirade in which he said that "only...

BALTIMORE—New York Yankees pitcher Andy Pettitte threw seven scoreless innings during the Yankees' 7-1 victory over the Baltimore Orioles...

CLEVELAND—Following the Wizards' 30-point loss to the Cavaliers Monday, Washington guard Gilbert Arenas assured reporters that he would play...

With her IndyCar victory, Danica Patrick became the first woman to win a race in a top-level racing series. Onion Sports salutes her achievement...

Jake Long has already signed with the Dolphins, but he may have tremendous upside.

A survey by the Shuttleworth Research Center found that the majority of male roommates ages 18-24 got wasted off their asses the previous evening.

According to an AP-Yahoo poll, Sen. John McCain was roughly tied with any Democratic candidate, a dramatic shift from a November poll in which a...

Pope Benedict XVI concluded his trip to the United States by celebrating Sunday Mass at New York's Yankee Stadium. What do you think?

EA Games announced that it has sold 100 million units of its life-simulation video game The Sims since 2000. What do you think?

An 84-year-old former Army engineer was arrested for passing on defense secrets to Israel, including documents about nuclear weapons, between 1979 and 1985....

Former Fox News personality and White House press secretary began his stint as a political contributor on CNN this Monday. What do you think?