CHICAGO—"Ugh, not these people again," Obama was overheard to say as he placed the unread e-mail into the Gmail folder marked "Trash."

WASHINGTON—H.R. 874, more commonly known as the Jenny's Turning 17!!! Bill, will take effect Friday, Sept. 19, 2008, as soon as Jenny ...

NEW YORK—Some believe the arrests were personally motivated, possibly due to a previous altercation with former parapsychology researcher Dr. Peter Venkman.

BRIDGEWATER, IA—Shortly after watching back-to-back episodes of Love Connection, The Newlywed Game, and Lingo Monday night, local resident...

WASHINGTON—As the leaves begin to turn and another election season draws to a close, the term "presumptive" has once again readied itself...

LOS ANGELES—The script for Epic Movie 2: Epicer Movie is, according to writer-directors Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, only one...

CARBONDALE, PA—Less than two weeks after introducing to the nation her developmentally disabled newborn and her 19-year-old son preparing...

LOS ANGELES—According to makers of the nervous-energy drink Pace!, the new beverage provides consumers with the same anxiety, restlessness,...

NEWTON, KS—Auto salesman Royce Flankingston—known to frequently question waitstaff as to whether or not food is "actually" spicy,...

SCHAUMBURG, IL— Father of five Don Knutsen, 39, can still recall a time not too long ago when he would have instantly dismissed the thought...

BOSTON—Four years after being blasted as an elitist for his Ivy League education, wealthy background, and hobby of windsurfing, sources say...

Ever since Sen. John McCain's selection of Gov. Sarah Palin as his running mate, the press has been abuzz with rumors about the former ...

LOUDON, NH—Shock, grief, and the overwhelming sense of loss that has swept the stock car racing community following the death by apparent suicide of ...

DETROIT—Much to the surprise and confusion of everyone in attendance at Ford Field last Sunday, an unknown man wearing an official No. 12...

CLEVELAND—According to telephone transcripts and voicemail recordings, panicked Cleveland Browns head coach Romeo Crennel called former...

SEATTLE—Desperate to fill his depleted receiving corps, Seahawks coach Mike Holmgren reportedly questioned every person he encountered...

WASHINGTON—Seeking to take his mind off thoughts of the Mets' abysmal September fade in 2007 and their current spiral into second place in...

NEW YORK—National Football League officials announced Wednesday that Dallas Cowboys cornerback Adam "Pacman" Jones has committed a uniform...

Ed Hochuli's premature whistle last Sunday probably cost the Chargers a win over the Broncos, but it wasn't the worst call ever. Onion ...

Carlos Zambrao threw a no-hitter against the Astros, but does that mean he has no flaws?

Disney claims its latest batch of child stars is so lifelike, you’ll barely be able to tell they have no souls.

Pharmaceutical company Allergan says its paralysis-inducing wrinkle preventer Botox works as a treatment for chronic migraines. What do you...

The new community guidelines for YouTube ban users from uploading videos that incite violence or teach violent activities, like bomb making. What do...

With the Dow Jones industrial average plunging more than 500 points Monday, both Sen. John McCain and Sen. Barack Obama are claiming they have a ...

Jewish voters in two states have reported they were asked leading questions during a phone survey about Barack Obama intended to sway their opinion....

Actor Ryan O'Neal and his son Redmond were arrested in their home on suspected possession of methamphetamine. What do you think?

In an appeal to working class voters, Barack Obama claimed his economic plan would save millions of backbreaking, mind-numbing shitty jobs.