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Issue 4438

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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Comfort

  • Child Visiting Ellis Island Sees Where Grandparents Once Toured

    ELLIS ISLAND, NY—Pausing to imagine the throngs of people who must have arrived with them that day back in 1994, 12-year-old Max Bertrand reportedly spent his visit to Ellis Island this afternoon walking around the same immigrant station his grandparents once toured.

Healthy Living

  • The Onion’s Guide To Gym Etiquette

    Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.

Health & Wellness

Doctors Give Area Man Six Months To Pay
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New Prescription-Only Sandwich Extra Delicious
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Dog Urine Lowers Heart-Attack Risk, Say Snickering Researchers
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Proud Cystic-Fibrosis Foundation Doesn't Need Your Charity
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Cases Of Glitter Lung On The Rise Among Elementary-School Art Teachers
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French's Introduces Antibacterial Mustard
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U.S. Launches AIDS-Awareness Campaign In Botswana: 'You All Have AIDS,' Says U.S.
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Make-A-Wish Recipient Now Wishes Macho Man Randy Savage Would Go Away
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Hypothetical Multi-Ethnic Customer Base Smiles Down From HMO Billboard
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Doctor Trying To Get Unemployed Friend A Doctor Job
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