NEW ORLEANS—"Please don't run," said the hurricane, addressing residents fleeing from a press conference in the now destroyed Superdome. "I'm not here ...

WINNETKA, IL—The iPhone was found lying face down on the dashboard showing no signs of life, but after a tense few seconds, officers were ...

LORETTO, MN—"The Lord hath spoken to me, and He hath said, 'The lightbulb in the rectory needs changing,'" 46-year-old church parishioner Betty Salas said.

NEW YORK—In a stunning reversal of their long-stated reluctance to take it, members of heavy-metal band Twisted Sister announced Monday...

ORLANDO, FL—Republican vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin sought to silence those who have criticized her lack of foreign affairs...

YOUNGSTOWN, OH—Despite coming down on it pretty hard, area man Doug Grissett maintained his position Thursday that it is not broken. "I...

GENEVA—A man with a piece of food stuck in his beard is currently addressing an auditorium full of world leaders and prominent scholars on...

OAK PARK, IL—Parents of Obama '08 campaign volunteer Mark Lowe said their son's selfless work for the Illinois senator has shown the...

WASHINGTON—Despite insisting several times during the first presidential debate that he had never won the U.S. Senate Miss Congeniality...

WASHINGTON—President Bush called the Coalition of Instrumentalists and Minstrels, more commonly known as the national marching band, to...

WASHINGTON—In the midst of negotiating the largest economic bailout ever proposed, congressional leaders agreed Friday that the chaos and...

The vice presidential debate is scheduled for Oct. 2. What are the rules of this debate?

NEW YORK— Leading representatives of the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation announced Wednesday that the month of October would officially be known as WNBA ...

PITTSBURGH—Despite the hard-fought defensive struggle between the Steelers and the Ravens playing out before him, ESPN commentator Tony...

CHICAGO—God, the divine creator and omnipotent deity, held a press conference Tuesday to discuss the infinite ways in which He could curse...

BOSTON—Reacting sharply to the news that Red Sox pitcher Josh Beckett may have continuing problems with a strained right oblique muscle, the...

MILWAUKEE—Moments after the Brewers officially clinched the 2008 NL wild card Sunday, CC Sabathia, Prince Fielder, and the rest of the team...

DENVER—Shortly after being physically dominated in a 33-19 loss to the Chiefs, the Broncos' comparatively diminutive offensive line...

As the baseball playoffs begin, Onion Sports remembers the men who played their best when their play finally mattered:

With a magnificent display of pitching, 290-pound iron man CC Sabathia single-handedly wrestled the Brewers into the playoffs. Is he any good?

Chinese gathered to see Zhang Tong, the first Chinese man to go into space without being chained inside the rocket.

Troops from the United States exchanged gunfire with our ally Pakistan on the Afghan-Pakistani border. What do you think?

After the defeat of the bailout bill, the Dow Jones plunged a record 777 points. What do you think?

Thirty-three pastors in 22 states are in danger of losing tax-exempt status for their churches after endorsing a candidate from the pulpit. What do...

Researchers noticed an 18 percent spike in traffic fatalities on days a presidential election was held. What do you think?

Four years after disbanding, the Vermont jam band Phish has announced plans to reunite in March 2009, starting with three performances in Virginia....

In response to Republican attacks, Barack Obama unleashed a series of slightly negative ads that gently point out how McCain could be doing a better ...