Historical Archives: Mule-Deaths Of Late
Mon-day.
Belonging to
M. SEXTON, Dottie.
Tues-day.
Belonging to
A. BROWNE, Sour Mash.
Belonging to
F. WESTON, Corporal Thiſtleweed.
Belonging to
P....
Issue 4441
Historical Archives: The Surgeon General Has Added Snuff To Tobacco Pyramid
From our Baltimore Cousins comes News of the felicitous Health Benefits of the Powder'd Tobacco SNUFF, and the Recommendation that multiple Pinches be taken ...
Historical Archives: General Washington Hints At A 'Bid' For Presidency in 1789
In NEWBURGH, The State of New York this week we learn, that our great General Washington finds him self besett with Affairs of State, in ...
40,000 Pounds Of Slave Have Been Lost At Sea
Doleful News has been from Baltimore receiv'd, and that being: Of the WRECK of the Slaver Betsy at Sea, and its entire CARGO of ...
Historical Archives: The World's Tallest Man Towers At Five Feet And Eleven Inches
From the honest and sworn Captain of the barque Scylla, freshly return'd from the Baltic: News of the Existence of a modern Longshanks, a ...
Historical Archives: Hay Thieves Strike Again
Many citizens of New York awoke at dawn, prepared to do their CHRISTIAN DUTY of toiling for the cause of the betterment of their livestock ...
Historical Archives: Masthead
Editor-in-Chief, H. Ulysses Zweibel.
learn'd men of letters & esteem'd gentry, &c, &c. J. Michael Randazzo, Mr. John Krewson, Lrd. Joseph Garden.
GOODWOMAN, Ldy ...
Historical Archives: Bald Eagles Evr'y Where
The growing publick Outcry over the North American BALD EAGLE grew ever more voluminous this week, as disgusted citizens demanded that the Congress act to ...
Historical Archives: That Inspirational Piper of '76 Has At Last Succumbed To His Head-Wounds
F>rom BOSTON comes dread News of the Death, after long-suffr'ing his Injurie, of Samuel Rush, who lest we suffer from Forget-ful-ness, was the ...
Historical Archives: John Jacob Astor Out Looking For Beaver
By good honest New Englandmen at Station in the frozen North comes Word that a GERMAN Settler, born JOHN JACOB ASTOR, has four and ten ...
Historical Archives: Thousands More Teeth Lost
Readers who might chiefly employ these Pages as a Catch All for their falling Molars and Incisors will not register any particular Surprise at the ...
Historical Archives: Rural Quaker Scandalized By Intricate Furniture Pattern!
In Philadelphia, in which a Man, being himself some 28 yrs. of Age and a Quaker held in good Stead in that pious Communitie, was ...
Historical Archives: Our Nation's Monthly Leisure Time Rises To A Staggering Total Of Three Minutes
Anew and worry some Trend has arisen in our young Common Wealth. That is, the practice of assuming extended Reprieves from the Industry and Enterprise ...
Historical Archives: Satan, Dark Harbinger Of Wickedness, Afflickts Townsfolk With String Of Ploughing Mishaps
MASSACHUSETTS in Crisis! A number of Calamities have been observ'd in New England, previously afflickt'd with all Manner of Devilment, from Witchcraft to ...
Historical Archives: A Most Amusing Duck Delays The Local Noontime Pillorying
In the Port of Boston, the Matter of delivering SWIFT and EXACT Justice to the notorious Candle Pinch Thaddeus SMITH was postponed, owing to the ...
Historical Archives: Alexander Hamilton Challenges Nation To A Duel
BE IT KNOWN that ALEXANDER HAMILTON, once a serveant to the American People in the halls of CONGRESS and now practicing law in the State ...
Historical Archives: News Of Revolutionary War's Conclusion Finally Reaches Southwestern Pennsilvania
On the 4th day of September last, those remaining un-dead Pennsilvania Militia-Men, devout PROTESTANT Males of Scotch-Irish and Dutch descent, whose once Abled-Boddies had been ...
Historical Archives: New Daily News, Paper Makes Mockery Of Seven-Day News Cycle
A Warning to our Loyal Readers! The PENNSYLVANIA PACKET AND DAILY ADVERTISER, a God less Pile of Gim Crackery not suitable for...
Historical Archives: Local Black-Smith is Disappointed By Son's Wishes To Be-Come a Wheel-Wright
As a veritable Flood of Waggons continues to stir the Muck of our Thorough Fares, and the Traffick there of makes great Demand for the ...
Historical Archives: Citizens Are Now Free to Practise Any Form Of Protestantism They Want
In their infinite Wisdom and Compassion, the Founders of our Young Republic have seen fit to bestow upon we Americans, the Wise and Enlightened Sons ...
Historical Archives: Benedict Arnold Is A Modern Day's Anthony Babington
RESOLV'D
By all Men Good & True, that, to his d—nable Role in seeking to ASSASSINATE our waxing Nation much in the Manner of the Out Rages attempt'd ...
Historical Archives: 14 Are Killed In 6-Hour-Long Schoolhouse Musket Shooting
SHOTTEN DEAD, in a school house in Western VIRGINIA, over the course of Six HOURS, by a Musket-wielding Gun-Man, were 14 Students, may GOD rest ...
Historical Archives: New York Threatened By O'er-Crowding As Population Climbs To Twelve Thousands
A great Worrye gripps the Metropolis of New Yorke, fmrly, New Amsterdam, from which we should all take cautionary Instrucktion, that we might stop this ...
Historical Archives: "Urban Sprawling" So Severe, Settlement's Cooking-Fires Can Be Seen From As Far As Greenwich Village
According to reports from those living out side the boundaries of the great Metropolis, in the far-off Village of Greenwich, the expansion of New York ...
Historical Archives: Only Thirteen Thousand Acres Of Forest Remaining On Manhattan Island
Some have propos'd a radickal and, some may even saye, DRASTICK measure, of securing a parcel of "greens-space," designated as "off-of-Limits" to additional development ...
Historical Archives: Will New York Someday Be Too Crowded For Farming?
An Issue even more worry-some to experts is the reduced acreage of cleared forest available for farming within the City limits. It is a well ...
Historical Archives: New Whimsical Tune Helps Drown Out Cries Of Anguish
Through the Grace of GOD our Father, Reports have found their way through the dense Wilds of the OHIO COUNTRY, that a Singing-Tune, possibly of ...
Historical Archives: A Mischievous Woman Wander'd Outside Of Home
The gentle town of HARRISBURG was confronted with a most Worrisome and Shocking sight the day before last, one owing to the sudden appearance of ...
Historical Archives: Opera Lyrics Blamed For Recent Spate Of Regicides
Poisoned with a chalice of Arsenic as he feasted, the recent passing of Danish monarch KING FREDERICK has brought to a light a most Disturbing ...
Historical Archives: A Most Drunken John Adams Makes The Promise To "Put" Man Upon The Moon
In PHILADELPHIA, comes News that John ADAMS, an esteem'd AUTHOR of the fundamental DECLARATION of our INDEPENDENCE, has once again taken up, in the ...
Historical Archives: Iroquois Inſurgency Quelled By Gov’t.!
More news to follow in a fort-night.
Historical Archives: Amazing Publick Spectacle!
Indian Taught To Wear Hat.
See the Savage MOHICAN, Who, by Grace of God and Much Patient Training, Has Been Taught to Wear A HAT ...
Historical Archives: Wide-Spread Powder Shortage Confounds Nation's Bewigged.
Wide-spread powder shortage confounds nation's bewigged.
More News to follow in a Fort-Night.
Historical Archives: Notice To The Publik
Dirt-Eating Contest, this Saturday 11th Ocktober! Can No-One best Fat Phineas Cooper, who just one Year past ete three and twenty pounds of...
Historical Archives: To Be Sold - Tri-Cornered Shoes
Come evening, leave the Boots to the field work. TRI-CORNERED SHOES are the Fancy Shoes from the shores of far-away France. Viewable from three...
Historical Archives: The Twenty Top-Most Books In Print At Present
1. The Bible. (226,339)
2. Common Sense. (2,412)
3. The Thousands Upon Thousands Of The Mohicans....
Historical Archives: To Be Sold - Rather Large Buttons
"Would you be caught with a Button that does not attract the Eye?"
The Seamstrys that has need of a greater means of...
Historical Archives: Facial Corsets For Ladies, Finally
Woman, look again as twelve years of age! At last, FACIAL CORSETS for LADIES make slender and comely the Woman's Face, pushing up and ...
Historical Archives: Ship's Log
Departing To The Ends Of The Earth.
Small expedition ship The Petula Rosa has departed from the Shores of Rhode Island this...
Historical Archives: Secret Society Of Free-Bakers Has Fail'd To Gain Influence
Thus Far For Archaic Fraternity No Meetings In Smoke Filled Chambers To Plot Conspiracies Moſt Un-Thinkable Against Their Own...
Historical Archives: One May Now Toil From Home
No practikal Knowledge nec'ry to obtain An Appropriate PROSPECT for GUARAN-TEED Capital Benefits swiftly deriv'd from countless Hours of...
Historical Archives: To Be Sold - Carved Wooden Heads
By the most skilled Crafts-men have been created Carved Wooden HEADS of remark able quality and bilaterally symmetrical appearance and known to...
Historical Archives: Humor In Shackles
Thunderous peals of Laughter were heard the night before last when indentured Servant GEORGE was witnessed to proclaim, "Masters, am I not also a...
Historical Archives: Popular Hymns heard sung of late.
"O, O, O Lord, O, O".
"These Lesions, Ho, Are The Lord's Lesions".
"Yea, How The Lord Doth Despise Us".
Untitled...
Historical Archives: Owls Deemed Arse-Holes
Owls Deemed Arse-Holes
Historical Archives: A Salt Cake Recipe
A Salt Cake Recipe.
Commit'd to papere for the edification, and use full-ness of the wife of the Reader in his...
Historical Archives: To-day In American History
In TENNESSEE, famed United States Senator and long-time Governor of Louisiana, Henry JOHNSON, will be born later To-day.
Historical Archives: Civil War Pre-Enactors Have Stage'd "Battle of Bull Run"
By CIVIL WAR enthusiasts PRESAGED and PRE-ENACTED, in Manassas, Virginia, the Battle of Bull Runne, which in a mere eight Decades, shall be Shewn...
Historical Archives: Weekley Duel Results
Editted for Length.
Mr. J. EARNEST in most honorable and sporting competition with Mr. H. YOUNG:
1-0
P. MOORE in...
Historical Archives: Last Month's Weather
In the PRIOR one twelfth of the LORD's Year, the CONDITIONS of Atmospheric PHENOMENA in regards to the Meteorologickal state as determined by the...
Historical Archives: Dances You May Wish To Try
T>he Toe-Point: The Lower Digits will be flexed to
and froe in modest frequency, in keeping with the Tempo. A dramatic Dance
suitable only ...
Historical Archives: A Jest For You
First Man: My brother Jeremiah believes himself to be a Chicken.
Second Man: Why do you not then take him to see the...
Historical Archives: A Puzzle For The Mind
It Is Your Taske To Place The Symbols In The Correct Order.
And Your Response?
______________
(Answers...
Historical Archives: To Be Sold - Two Chamber Pot House
Luxury shall not be outside your hearth but inside with a TWO CHAMBER-POT HOUSE. No more shall your Unmentionable Parts suffer discomfort from...
Historical Archives: Immoral Woodcut Discovered In Hay Loft
By Constabulary SEIZED, upon its being found in a Hay-Wain's-Loft, a most Immoral and corruptatious WOOD-CUT...
Historical Archives: Kid-ney Bean Shaped Organ Recently Discovered
By Chirurgeons and Blood-Letters, in Boston DISCOVER'D, an Organelle of the Body, an' that Human; excis'd from the Back & Mottl'd Purple in ...
Historical Archives: Two Feared Dead In Near-By Child-Birth
Two SOULS have been struck DEAD, and their Bodies bereft of Divine Breath, and left mouldering where they lay, in Roanoke, the sad but not...
Historical Archives: By Many On-Lookers And Passers-Bye, Seen To Depart Out Mortal Vale In A Boothe
By many on-lookers and Passers-Bye, SEEN to Depart out mortal Vale in a BOOTHE, so cunningly Artificed as to Collapse and Vanish entire into the...
Obama Clinches 'Joe Cabernet Sauvignon' Vote
WASHINGTON—Following a strong performance by the Democratic nominee in Tuesday's presidential debate, political analysts overwhelmingly...
Much-Criticized Media Vows To Return To Softball Tactics
WASHINGTON—Having endured weeks of pointed criticism over their aggressive questions, research-based analyses, and recent tendency to...
Extreme Weather Alert: Meteorologists Predict Intensely Brisk Autumn
Experts advise that anyone venturing outdoors should be on the lookout for extremely crunchy leaves and winds as high as 12 mph.
Gunman Kills 15 Potential Voters In Crucial Swing State
The Obama campaign is cautiously optimistic after initial reports indicated that most of the people killed were registered Republicans.
