WASHINGTON—Many call the plan Bush's most well-thought-out proposal to date which calls for hysterical fear, dry heaving, and the legalization of trampling.

FOXWORTH, MS—Addressing him as "Barry," the sheriff told Obama that "someone 'bout his height, 'bout his skin color knocked out a Piggly Wiggly a ...

BURLINGTON, VT—Andrew Pagano, 39, assured that you had all your clothes on, the dream was very short, and it was actually one of those ...

WASHINGTON—At a press conference on Monday, members of the Vietnam Veterans Alliance blasted Democratic nominee Barack Obama for his failure...

TUCSON, AZ—After reviewing his client's income, assets, and personal budget Tuesday, Morgan Stanley financial adviser Henry Dalton...

WASHINGTON—With Republican nominee John McCain continuing to flounder at the polls, the unknown force that orders the universe announced...

COLUMBUS, OH—According to attendees at a rally held in Columbus' Capitol Theatre Monday, a John McCain supporter in his early 30s was envied...

CHINO, CA—In an unprecedented and historic event Monday, the "I Am Under 18" button, an Internet security device which if selected restricts...

WASHINGTON—According to a USA Today–Gallup poll released Monday, as many as 85 percent of Americans strongly wish to see Sens. Barack...

TEMPE, AZ—In a development that will soon leave you feeling uncomfortable and slightly scared, sources have reported that you, and only you,...

BLOOMFIELD, CT—Local man Alan Heller, 37, hovered near a gathering of acquaintances for 30 seconds and then plunged haphazardly into their...

PALO ALTO, CA—According to a recent study conducted by a team of physicists at Stanford University, there is no logical explanation why...

WASHINGTON—While traveling on his campaign bus yesterday, Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) took a moment to forcefully reiterate his official...

Many elections have been altered by an "October surprise," or a sudden revelation that casts one candidate in a bad light. Here are some of ...

DAWWAS—Cowboys medical personnel confirm that quawterback Tony Womo injured his thwowing hand in last week's 30-24 loss to the Arizona Cardinals and is ...

CINCINNATI—Sitting at an Italian eatery with a plate full of Houshmandzadeh (ravioli verde stuffed with prosciutto and mushroom and topped...

Houston—The Miami Dolphins' magical ride continued on Sunday, as the worse-to-worst-to-somewhat-better [Change OK?] team celebrated a loss...

SHELTON, CT—According to those sitting in the same room as their fathers during MLB postseason games on TBS, the nation's dads have been...

ST. PETERSBURG, FL—Tampa Bay Rays centerfielder B.J. Upton hit a game-winning sacrifice fly to short right field Saturday to defeat the...

HOUSTON—Texans team sources said placekicker Kris Brown exhibited signs of paranoia Monday when the 31-year-old repeatedly insisted that his...

The world of sports was in financial trouble even before last week's market woes. Onion Sports runs down some of the ways teams and ...

It's long been suspected that Ramirez was taking lots of drugs, but it's a slight shock that those drugs were performance-enhancing.

Our In The Know panelists debate whether the graphic sex acts and extreme violence in HBO's McCain-Obama debate crossed the line.

Two prospective Eagle Scouts explain how they are preventing breast cancer by helping women examine their breasts.

The national debt has surpassed $10 trillion, thereby exceeding the 13 digits the National Debt Clock in New York's Times Square.

Responding to a report which said that she broke ethics laws in trying to have an Alaska state trooper fired, Gov. Sarah Palin said the ...

British undertakers are refusing to bury the dead until bereaved families receive delayed government support payments. What do you think?

A Nebraska law designed to protect newborns and infants has instead allowed parents to abandon children up to age 19 at hospitals. What do you...

Gmail now provides an optional series of questions to make sure users are relatively sober before sending an e-mail. What do you think?

In this installment of Beyond The Facts, a gifted 8-year-old girl participates in grown-up politics by spreading smears and lies.

Campaign officials downplayed the incident, saying the senator was fine as soon as he was fed and taken to the bathroom.