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Issue 4443

Swaggering Down 87%

NEW YORK—A wide-legged gait accompanied by an overconfident smile and a jauntily raised eyebrow may soon be a thing of the past due to recent economic turmoil.

Tampa Bay Rays: "Fuck You, Cubs"

ST. PETERSBURG, FL—On the eve of their very first World Series appearance in a short 10-year team history, the Tampa Bay Rays took time...

The 2008 World Series

The World Series is underway, and Onion Sports looks at what these teams must do, especially if they wish to win.

Madonna's Rocky Romances

In the latest chapter of Madonna's romantic history, it was announced last week that she and director Guy Ritchie are going to get a divorce....
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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