NEW YORK—"I think I touched it and it was warm and soft and wonderful," said Tim Fornato, emerging briefly from a dog pile of ...
NEW YORK—A wide-legged gait accompanied by an overconfident smile and a jauntily raised eyebrow may soon be a thing of the past due to ...
CHICAGO—David Simms couldn't believe he hadn't made the connection sooner after dating a string of nasally ushers and a stocky divorcée ...
FAIRFIELD, OH—Friends and family of unemployed construction worker Brian Roberts announced Tuesday that the 36-year-old's habitual and...
BROOKINGS, SD—Local 11-year-old Dylan Adams entered the stage in childhood development Wednesday in which a boy feels the uncontrollable...
FAIRFAX, VA—After nearly 150 years spent unapologetically advocating for a single, unifying issue, the National Rifle Association—one...
WASHINGTON—In a poll taken by Zogby International, 100 percent of respondents agreed that American pollster John Zogby is the coolest dude in...
RAPID CITY, SD—John McCain escalated his attacks on Obama's leadership credentials Tuesday by endorsing a series of rhyming...
WINONA, MO—After learning about the importance of zinc mining to residents in the crucial swing state of Missouri, presidential candidates...
WASHINGTON—After piling the last of his Campaign for Liberty signs in the back of a beat-up Ford truck Thursday, Rep. Ron Paul (R-TX) once...
In the latest chapter of Madonna's romantic history, it was announced last week that she and director Guy Ritchie are going to get a ...
ST. PETERSBURG, FL—Tampa Bay Rays officials and Tropicana Field stadium management announced Wednesday night that, due to an unfortunate and unresolved scheduling conflict, the ...
AUSTIN, TX—Greg Streets, the commentator and host of The Longhorn Zone on Austin-area AM station Sports Radio 1480, could clearly be...
ST. PETERSBURG, FL—Evan Longoria, the Tampa Bay legend who is widely acknowledged as the Rays' all-time greatest player, was celebrated by...
ST. PETERSBURG, FL—On the eve of their very first World Series appearance in a short 10-year team history, the Tampa Bay Rays took time...
ATLANTA—Producer Greg Porto was unable to explain why on earth it occurred to him to air The Steve Harvey Show in place of the ...
ST. PETERSBURG, FL—In a postgame press conference following a Game 7 loss that halted another magical Red Sox playoff comeback, Boston...
It's a hallowed tradition for the mayors of cities represented in the championship game to make a wager as a show of their city ...
The World Series is underway, and Onion Sports looks at what these teams must do, especially if they wish to win.
As controversy swirls around thoroughbred Ship's Captain, the horse's trainer says people should focus on the horse's abilities, not its sexuality.
The press secretary explained the president's economic policy by talking about something called a 'grapewood straab.'
Saying he no longer has time to respond, drummer Ringo Starr announced that he would not accept any more fan mail or objects to be ...
On Meet the Press this Sunday, former Bush cabinet member Colin Powell endorsed Barack Obama for president. What do you think?
Barack Obama's presidential campaign has begun advertising in video games like Guitar Hero and Madden NFL 09 in the weeks before the election. What...
According to an investigation by the Associated Press, Sarah Palin charged the state of Alaska for trips her children took with her, later amending...
With only 11 days to go before her successor was appointed, the reigning Miss Teen Louisiana was stripped of her crown in response to her ...
So far, more than 5 million people have cast their ballots in states where early voting is available. What do you think?
Despite the media's portrayal of her, Cindy McCain says she is a down-to-earth person who enjoys breathing oxygen and consuming earth food for energy.