adBlockCheck

Americans Voting Early

Top Headlines

Issue 4443

Swaggering Down 87%

NEW YORK—A wide-legged gait accompanied by an overconfident smile and a jauntily raised eyebrow may soon be a thing of the past due to recent economic turmoil.

Tampa Bay Rays: "Fuck You, Cubs"

ST. PETERSBURG, FL—On the eve of their very first World Series appearance in a short 10-year team history, the Tampa Bay Rays took time...

The 2008 World Series

The World Series is underway, and Onion Sports looks at what these teams must do, especially if they wish to win.

Madonna's Rocky Romances

In the latest chapter of Madonna's romantic history, it was announced last week that she and director Guy Ritchie are going to get a divorce....
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Nightlife

Ugh, This A Place Where Bartenders Wear Bow Tie

PITTSBURGH—Saying they should have known from the moment they walked in the unmarked speakeasy entrance and spotted the extensive wood paneling, customers confirmed Friday that, ugh, this is one of those places where the bartenders all wear bow ties.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close