CHICAGO—"If you are reading this," said Obama's farewell note. "Then I have already left your silly country with a woman you have come ...

NEW YORK—"Do you know how many guitar players tried and failed to nail the solo on the song 'Peg'? Six—That's commitment to ...

SCOTTSDALE, AZ—Marketing executive Bernard Ganley first humiliated himself Monday morning when he suggested that applicator tips were a thing of the past.

AUSTIN, TX—A new piece of legislation proposed yesterday on the floor of the Texas Legislature would require that all whiskey bottles be...

ANN ARBOR, MI—Digital Copy Shoppe employee Don Newson, 38, called in to work on Wednesday complaining that he was certain he had come down...

PHILADELPHIA—After 18 long months of nonstop canvassing, it would be nice, now that the election is over, to take a break from it all ...

WASHINGTON—President George W. Bush sustained 24 broken bones, massive internal hemorrhaging, and a severe concussion Monday after falling...

ST. CLOUD, MN—A catchphrase from The Love Guru, comedian Mike Myers' latest film, which follows the exploits of a self-help mentor...

WASHINGTON—In a landmark decision Monday, the U.S. Supreme Court narrowly ruled to uphold the Bill of Rights, the very tenets upon which...

Proposition 8, the California measure that bans same-sex marriage, passed by a 52 percent to 48 percent margin. What reasons did people give for...

NEW YORK—A happy, triumphant, and visibly relieved LeBron James accepted the 2009 NBA Championship trophy from commissioner David Stern at a small ceremony in ...

DETROIT—After a night of bonding with new teammate Allen Iverson, Pistons players reported Sunday that the eight-time NBA All-Star responded...

IRVING, TX—Disoriented and disheveled Dallas quarterback Tony Romo, dressed in stained clothing and reeking of urine, returned to the...

EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ—In an emotional locker-room address to his gathered teammates and coaches, troubled Giants receiver Plaxico Burress...

TORONTO—Despite early concerns about the venue's small size, center Igor Larionov and winger Glenn Anderson were inducted into the Hockey...

NEW YORK—Following the Knicks' surprising 4-2 start, fans' instinctual boos have been interrupted by what many are referring to as "a...

With Major League Baseball handing out its 2008 seasonal awards this week, Onion Sports runs down the more obscure offerings:

It's an epic Big 12 battle with national ranking implications. Will it be any good?

With the economy sliding deeper into a recession, panelists discuss whether it's time to stop throwing our money into a massive pit out in ...

Disgraced former New York governor Eliot Spitzer will not be charged for his role in a recent prostitution scandal that brought down his...

Rahm Emanuel, the chief of staff for the president-elect, is calling for a more rapid response to help the struggling auto industry. What do...

Brain scans showed activity in the pleasure centers of aggressive teens who were exposed to images of one person hurting another. What do you...

A new study shows that almost 25 percent of mammal species are in danger of going extinct. What do you think?

A recent survey found that one in five employers checked out job applicants on networking sites like Facebook before hiring them. What do you...

YouTube is offering a cash prize to the first user to upload a video with a shred of originality or artistic merit.